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Axl's attorney, Mr. X, called douchedawg.
"Hey douche, you got a minute?"
"Barely; I'm at Cosmo pissing away my family's oil money. Who is this?"
"I am Axl's attorney; we have much to discuss."
"Oh yeah? Discuss THIS..." douchedawg terminated the call, turned to the pit boss and signed yet another marker, the thirty-second one of that session.
"The nerve of some guys" he brayed.
Meanwhile, in stumptown, Mr. X set things into play...
Brandon Records called Cake Cream phones and told them they were going to sue them tomorrow.
Cake Cream and Axl begged Brandon Records to just leave them alone. Brandon Records refused to leave them alone and reiterated that they would see them in court tomorrow. They had tense conversations and then hung up.
Axl and Cake Cream couldn't believe Brandon Records was suing them. They hadn't done anything wrong. They went to a Law Firm and hired some Lawyers. The Lawyers took their cases and Cake Cream and Axl paid them half upfront and would pay them after the Court Hearing.
They all practiced the case and went home. They ate and chilled and pondered about their upcoming cases tomorrow.
They got ready for bed and then went to sleep.
The next day, they got ready for the day and ate. They wore motorcycle helmets and bulletproof vests and went to the Courthouse. They were early and once again practiced their court cases with their Lawyers.
Brandon Records came in and Court was in Session. Brandon Records brought fake Documents with fake signatures claiming they paid Cake Cream 500 Million each and Cake Cream never showed up to work.
Cake Cream and Axl were disturbed by the forged signatures.
Cake Cream Lawyers pointed out that Axl's signature wasn't on any of the documents, and he was their Manager. Brandon Records gave caught expressions when Cake Cream Lawyers pointed out that Axl's signature wasn't on the Documents. The Lawyers also questioned them giving Cake Cream $2.5 billion when they were worth $4 billion.
Claven Records were also there to testify against Brandon Records and pointed out that Cake Cream and Axl never signed "Contract release from Claven Records," documents, which would be required to work for Brandon Records. Cake Cream and Axl were grateful that Claven Records testified for them and Claven Records welcomed them.
Brandon Records insisted that Cake Cream signed the documents.
Cake Cream went on the stand and said they didn't sign those Documents and had politely declined to work for them over the phone after Axl pointed out that he didn't trust the offer. Axl also went on the stand and said Cake Cream didn't sign those Documents and his signature wasn't even on the Documents . Cake Cream Lawyers asked Cake Cream to sign on a blank sheet of paper to compare the signatures. Cake Cream signed the paper and Claven Records also showed the real signatures on the actual Documents Cake Cream signed to work for Claven Records.
The Cake Cream signatures on the paper and the Claven Records signatures matched perfectly, but the Brandon Records forged signatures didn't match perfectly at all.
Under pressure, Brandon Records admitted they made fake Documents and forged the Cake Cream signatures out of resentful revenge for Cake Cream declining to work for them. They admitted they lied about Cake Cream.
The Judge was disgusted and ordered Brandon Records to pay Cake Cream the 500 Million each for defamation of character and fraud, and perjury , or be sentenced to 20 years in Prison. Brandon Records Zelled Cake Cream the 500 Million each(They didn't want 20 years in Prison). The Judge said that Brandon Records were never allowed to contact Cake Cream or Axl again. Cake Cream were elated that they beat their cases and were 500 Million each richer and Brandon Records was permanently banned from ever contacting them or Axl ever again. Axl was happy too.
This meant that Cake Cream were all richer than Axl now, but he was elated that he turned out to be right that Brandon Records were shady and that Cake Cream had gotten justice. He smiled at all of them. As a special gift, each of Cake Cream Zelled Axl 100 million each to thank him for being such a good Manager, Mentor, and Friend for them. He was touched and welcomed them. They paid their Lawyers the rest of the money they owed their Lawyers and Court was over and they went back home, very happy.
Brandon Records attorney, douchedawg, coralled Axl / Cake Cream's attorney, Mr. X, in the courthouse hallway immediately after the hearing.
"We'll appeal...this ain't over yet" brayed the burnoose-clad lawyer.
Mr. X sized up douchedawg: "Nothing to see here," he mused, then chuckled to himself, thinking "hell, this idiot attended a third rate law school and has the trial skills of a chimpanzee."
Mr. X made a modest proposition: "In lieu of an appeal, how about Trial By Combat?"
The douche mulled it over, and agreed.
The lawyers put down their brief cases, took off their coats and the fight was on.
Douchdawg quickly realized he was fucked: Mr. X was 6' 4"", 250 pounds, and fit, whereas he was fat, slow and stupid.
It was over in ten seconds.
Douchedawg looked up from the floor and asked "Where am I," to which Mr. X responded "in hell, boyo, in hell."
The Court Date was already going viral on Social Media.
Fans of Cake Cream and Axl supported them and were disgusted that Brandon Records lied about them.
Fans also congratulated Cake Cream on their 500 Million each award. They were happy Brandon Records got their well deserved bad karma.
Axl and Cake Cream were happy their Fans had their backs.
On the News, the Court Hearing was shown and the News Anchors were disgusted by Brandon Records actions. The News Anchors congratulated Cake Cream for the 500 Million each award.
Axl had a sudden pang in his stomach. He thought of Brandon Records trying to steal the 500 Million each back from Cake Cream. He told them his gut feelings and Cake Cream wondered if Axl could be right. He pointed out that he was right about Brandon Records so far. They trusted him and Axl urged them to open new Accounts in another Bank.
They all agreed to go to Ocean Bank and they all opened new Accounts in Ocean Bank. Axl had gotten a new valid ID since he had been exposed as Axl Rose, 😉 After they opened their new Ocean Bank Accounts, Cake Cream transferred 500 Million each to their Ocean Bank Accounts. Brandon Records hadn't paid Axl, so his Account was safe, but he had opened an Ocean Bank Account too as solidarity with Cake Cream.
Sure enough, just about an hour later, Cake Cream got alerts on their phones stating that Brandon Records had tried to steal 500 Million each from Cake Cream's primary Bank Accounts. Thank God for Axl's foresight once again! They all thanked Axl for saving them again. He welcomed them.
Cake Cream wondered if they should sue Brandon Records for attempted theft. Axl wondered about the fact that Brandon Records weren't supposed to ever contact them again, would Cake Cream be violating some kind of Contract if they forced Brandon Records to be in contact with them with a Lawsuit. He told Cake Cream his pondering and they agreed with Axl.
Axl said that they should just report Brandon Records attempted theft to Claven Records and have Claven Records take care of it themselves.
They all were like,"Good idea, Axl!" Trusting him. They all chilled until the next day and the next day, they went to Claven Records and showed them the attempted theft Brandon Records had done. Claven Records were disgusted by Brandon Records once again and contacted Brandon Records on Cake Cream's behalf and Brandon Records admitted they tried to steal the 500 Million each back. Claven Records recorded the confession and turned over the confession and the alerts to the same judge who had sentenced Brandon Records. The Judge was disgusted and issued arrest warrants for Brandon Records. Brandon Records went on the run to another Country.
The Judge said if caught, they would serve the full 20 years in Prison for the attempted theft.
Cake Cream and Axl were glad that they would be safe from Brandon Records for at least 20 years.
Little did Axl know that Brandon Records had given their attorney full power of attorney to act and sign contracts on their behalf.
It so happened that their attorney, douchedawg, was venal and crooked, as was the judge.
The next day Axl was shocked to learn that the judge had vacated his sentence based on "irregularities" and Brandon Records returned as if nothing had happened.
Paying $250,000.00 to the judge was the best defense douchedawg could come up with, but it worked. "just the way I was taught back home" he mulled.
"America, what a nation of sheep. Oh, how I miss my sheep. I really love ewe" recalled the debased shyster somewhat sheepishly.
"But now, to work."
He opened his closet and inspected his Glock.
"Time to take out the trash.,,"
Lots of Musicians and Singers who were signed to Brandon Records were upset that they were out of jobs now now that their Bosses literally fled the Country on the run. Axl and Cake Cream felt sorry for them and suggested that Claven Records take over Brandon Records. Claven Records took Axl and Cake Cream's suggestions seriously and took over Brandon Records and Brandon Records Musicians and Singers were happy. Claven Records thanked Axl and Cake Cream for their suggestions and told ex Brandon Records Musicians and Singers whose actual bright ideas it was for Claven Records to take over Brandon Records. The ex Brandon Records Musicians and Singers thanked Axl and Cake Cream too and Axl and Cake Cream welcomed them.
Claven Records were now worth about 2 Billion. The Music Industry loved that Claven Records took over Brandon Records and Claven Records gave Axl and Cake Cream credit for their idea. Axl and Cake Cream modestly blushed.
Cake Cream and Axl went home and ate no contact pizza again and chilled.
Axl and Billy went into Billy's room and made out again passionately, enjoying each other's kisses and company. Axl caressed Billy's hair and Billy smiled contently. Axl said,"Where do we go? Where do we go? Where do we go now?" Making Billy laugh happily.
They chatted a little while longer and fell asleep. The next day, Cake Cream and Axl woke up, ate, and got ready for the day.
They went to the mall wearing bulletproof vests and motorcycle helmets and ate at a Restaurant. The Female Waitress was a huge fan of them, especially Jimmy. She was particularly nice to Jimmy and he didn't seem to mind. In fact, he was very receptive to her. They were smiling and flirting with each other. Billy, Axl, James, Andy, Mike, could see the chemistry and the connection between them.
They all ordered and ate and paid. On Jimmy's receipt, the female Waitress had put her phone number on Jimmy's paid receipt. Jimmy blushed and accepted. She smiled happily. Jimmy and she chatted more flirtatiously and then everyone said their goodbyes. They left and Axl said to Jimmy,"Remember to use your condoms for female Fans, especially a certain Waitress you like a lot. " Jimmy blushed happily.
They bought some items and went home. Jimmy called the Waitress after her shift and they chatted for a long time. It was obvious they were into each other a lot.
Jimmy asked Axl if it was okay if he dated the Waitress.
Axl said,"I'm cool with you dating her. He then asked the rest of Cake Cream if they were okay with him dating the Waitress. They all were okay with him dating the Waitress. Jimmy was happy.
Mr. X sat in his office sipping coffee and petting his cat.
He was decompressing after his bit of fisticuffs at the courthouse earlier that day.
"Can't wait for the work day to end, I really want to go home, turn on some Rufus du Sol and blaze away" he mused.
A loud commotion erupted outside his closed door, punctuated by a gunshot and a woman's scream.
"My secretary!" Mr. X exclaimed, as he reached into his desk drawer, pulled out his Smith and Wesson 9mm, confirmed the safety was off, and stood up.
At that instant the door burst open and framed within it was douchedawg, gun in hand.
Before the douche could get off a shot Mr. X fired first, hitting the angry, third rate word smith.
"WTF is wrong with you?" asked Mr. X, to which the douche responded "anagrams...it was...the anagrams...that made me do it ... oooooo ..."
Mr. X called 911; as an EMT hauled the douche away Mr. X overheard the douche tell the attendant "call my host in Vegas and tell him I'll be a bit late."
*note: the above is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is both coincidental and too damn bad.
Jimmy and Allison ended up dating exclusively. She and he really did make a good couple. Cake Cream and Axl liked her too. She was nice, sweet, funny and ended up going to some Cake Cream Shows.
A couple of days later, she and James ended up having sex. That's right, James, not Jimmy. She left James's room and left the house. The next day, Jimmy saw Allison's panty in James's bed and confronted him. James admitted he and Allison had sex last night.
Jimmy was infuriated and said,"You fuced my girlfriend?!" He punched James hard in the face and James ran out of his room, frightened. Jimmy ran after him getting ready to hit him more. Axl saw the commotion and held Jimmy back from hitting James again. Jimmy explained the situation and James admitted to it again. Jimmy tried to lunge at James, but Axl held him even tighter. Billy, Mike, and Andy also woke up to see Jimmy being held back by Axl and James looking scared. They knew something bad had happened and the situation was explained.
Axl calmly said, "James, you having sex with Allison was foul. " Jimmy, you hitting James was not and is not the right thing to do." Jimmy gave James a withering death glare. Andy, Mike, and Billy were disgusted that Allison and James had sex. How could James go have sex with Jimmy's girlfriend?
Axl calmly told James to pack his suitcase and leave temporarily and think about what he did. James packed his suitcase, put on his motorcycle helmet and bulletproof vest and obediently left. He went to the Local Marriott.
Jimmy traced James's cellphone and found it at the local Marriott. James said wryly and angrily, James is at the local Marriott. I also want to go to the local Marriott and have a nice "chat," with a certain ex friend of mine. " Axl said,"No, you're staying here." Jimmy reluctantly agreed to stay with Axl, Billy, Andy, and Mike.
Jimmy called Allison and confronted her and she also admitted she had sex with James. He dumped her.
Axl wondered about the future of Cake Cream since this happened.
Jimmy was fuming over James and Allison: the nerve of those people.
He noted he was scratching his wrists and his crotch, then smiled.
"Heh heh heh, I 'forgot' to tell Allison about my scabies, crabs, and herpes; looks like they'll both have something to remember me by."
He logged online to his favorite porn site and as usual did the rattlesnake shake.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ob5Q_daCOB8
Axl, Jimmy, Andy, and Billy stayed in the house.
Jimmy cried uncontrollably. He couldn't believe his ex girlfriend cheated on him with one of his best Friends.
"No, no, no!" Jimmy lamented in crushing pain. Axl, Andy, Mike, and Billy all hugged Jimmy to comfort him.
"I hate James and Allison so much," Jimmy said half angrily and half heart broken.
"It's okay to be angry and hurt," Axl said soothingly. You were done very wrong by two People you loved."
Billy, Andy, and Mike backed up Axl. Jimmy was grateful he had four best Friends to support him now.
Axl said,"We'll have lots of ice cream and pizza and have a nice boys in day today. "
Jimmy smiled softly. "That sounds good." Cake Cream all agreed.
Axl ordered 5 cartons of ice cream and ordered 3 boxes of Domino's Pizza and they pigged out on ice cream and pizza, Billy, Axl Andy, and Mike supporting Jimmy.
Billy admired how quickly Axl could be the warm, supporting, loving, Friend as well as the serious, business Manager.
Jimmy felt a lot better having Andy, Mike, Billy, and Axl support him. He was still hurt by the crushing betrayal James and Allison had done, but having Andy, Axl, Billy, and Mike support him made this so much better. Jimmy fell asleep.
James called Axl. Axl answered and said, "James, you messed up really bad. You shouldn't have had sex with Allison. "
James said," Jimmy wasn't supposed to find out. I didn't know she was going to leave her panty in my bed."
Axl said," You should have gotten your own girlfriend, not lay with Jimmy's girlfriend.
"But, I like Allison."
"Please tell me you used a condom and spermicide with Allison," Axl said in half Brother, half serious Manager.
James said,"Yes, I used a condom and spermicide with Allison."
Axl breathed a relieved sigh of relief. "Good, because the last thing we need is for Allison to be pregnant with your Baby."
James agreed.
Axl said, "You know what, I'm going to help you out as your Brother like Friend and suggest you go take a nice vacation, out of State, maybe go to New York. Because Jimmy knows you are at the Local Marriott. The last thing you need is for him to go to the Local Marriott and kick your ass. Jimmy's sleeping now, so I'd book it out of there within a couple of minutes if I were you.
"Thank you for that advice, Axl! James said, gratefully. "I'll leave in a few minutes!"
Axl welcomed him and they said goodbye. Axl hung up the phone.
At the Local Marriott, James hastily packed his bags and checked out and took a LYFT to Miami International Airport and booked a last minute flight to New York. He got processed and went on Airplane to New York City, grateful that Axl looked out for him.
I do not take this seriously and I don't think people should. However, I am scared for my life and want you charged with a hate crime. You, Axl and the real Kentry and his mother.Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterV
Yeah, well, the only thing driving me crazy is you putting an 'h' in wacky, and, quotation marks around colons, and semi-colons [*clearly against every one's rules]. In fact, you shit a steady stream of the latter like there's no tomorrow. Moreover, I would have written, "third-rate wordsmith". I mean, without even checking, it has to be wordsmith. No? Even LarryS wrote better stuff. Bang, bang, and, Happy New Year, MrV!Quote:
Originally Posted by theywontpayontuesdayI do not take this seriously and I don't think people should. However, I am scared for my life and want you charged with a hate crime. You, Axl and the real Kentry and his mother.Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterV
Double P.S.S. Never would have read any of the above were it not for boy Tuesday.
Triple P.S.S.S. I'm pretty sure it's illegal to go around purposefully writing about people, but, calling it fiction. One book comes to mind, "Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town" by Stephen Leacock. If I recall, he wrote of the people of Orilla, a very small Indian casino town in Ontario, but, under the name of Mariposa. Every one knew whom he was talking about. Caused quite a stir.
And yes, it was Redietz, who came up with the P.S.S. nonsense.
This is just satire. Satire is protected speech. I just look at is as an inside joke. Even joking about violence can be used to make you seem guilty or a suspect if something bad happens. In some ways talking your anger out makes it obvious you couldn't have done it because doing it would be so stupid for you. You have something to lose then so you act so you don't want to lose it and I'm burned out again.
James found himself calling Allison from New York and they chatted for a long while. James and she really liked each other. As evident by the sex they had not too long ago.
James couldn't believe he was in love with Jimmy's recent ex girlfriend, but it happened. James found himself asking if she wanted to be his girlfriend when he got back to Florida from New York after his New York vacation and she said yes. James was happy.
Back in Florida, Claven Records called Axl and told him that Fans wanted to see Cake cream perform at the James L Knight Center tomorrow.
Axl responded uncomfortably," Uh, we're kind of going through a crisis and maybe us performing tomorrow isn't the best idea."
Claven Records asked,"What's going on?"
Axl told the truth and admitted that James had sex with Allison and Jimmy was heartbroken over this and it might not be the best time for Cake Cream to be performing.
Claven Records responded," James had sex with Allison? Ooh, that's really bad, but is there a way that Cake Cream can still perform? I mean, the Fans really want to see Cake Cream perform tomorrow.
Axl gave in with a reluctant sigh. "Okay, I'll talk Jimmy into performing tomorrow with Cake Cream."
Claven Records were satisfied and they chatted a little while longer and then said their goodbyes and hung up.
Axl told Cake Cream that Claven Records said Fans wanted to see them perform at the James L Knight Center tomorrow.
Jimmy was apprehensive about performing tomorrow when he was heartbroken and James wasn't even there to play lead guitar, not that Jimmy particularly wanted James playing with him after that dastardly stunt James had just pulled.
Axl had an idea and told Cake Cream his idea. He would pretend to be James. They wore motorcycle helmets anyways and Axl could easily pretend to be James with the motorcycle helmet on and if he put on makeup on his Tattoos. Jimmy pointed out that Axl was not a lead guitarist, and in fact, he wasn't a Guitarist at all. Axl told him,"Don't worry about that. In 1987, I play with Slash, Izzy, and Duff who all play Guitar. Surely some of their talents must have rubbed off on me." He was smiling. "We're working for the Fans who want to see Cake Cream perform. Remember that."
Jimmy discussed this with Cake Cream and they were all on board. Jimmy, Andy, Billy, and Mike practiced, with Jimmy being the sole bassist without James's lead guitaring.
They chilled until the next day and the next day, Axl took James's guitar and Cake Cream and Axl all went to the Venue wearing bulletproof vests and motorcycle helmets.
Axl and Cake Cream minus James went on stage behind bulletproof plexiglass barriers and Fans wondered where the hell was Axl (Axl was pretending to be James). Axl plucked James' guitar crazily like an untrained and clumsy 5 year old playing pretend. Jimmy sounded good as the bass guitar, but it was clear that Axl was no Guitar Player. Apparently, Slash, Duff, and Izzy guitar prowesses did not run off on Axl. Luckily, Billy, Mike, Jimmy and Andy sounded really good. Fans cheered, but it was clear they noticed something was off with "James," and Axl being nowhere to be seen. After the show, they did the final sendoff, and Fans gave confused cheering.
Cake Cream and Axl left the Venue and went home.
Already the latest Cake Cream Show went viral and Fans were wondering,"Where the hell was Axl?" And why did James play so off tonight when he is usually a talented and very good lead guitarist?" Cake Cream and Axl blushed knowing exactly what had happened.
Exactly; heck, I've no anger with douchedawg; he's just the butt of jokes so far as I am concerned.Quote:
Originally Posted by theywontpayontuesday
If anyone takes this shit seriously they need to have their head examinied.
With apologies to Cyndi Lauper: girls aren't the only ones who want to have fun.
James made a call from his NY hotel room and the next morning he was on national TV, exposing everything about the Axl's, time travel, homosexual activity and how the band shunned him.
He spun it a bit, much like the newly elected NYC congressman spun his resume: he said they got rid of him becaus unlike the rest of Cake Cream he was not gay, and he said Cake Cream was offended because he actually enjoyed having sex with women, not men.
The reaction was fast and furious: the internet lit up with condemnation of Cake Cream and Axl.
Such an intense homophobic reaction was last seen on the backwater VCT forum.
Axl fielded calls from various people telling him that due to the latest developments, previously scheduled concerts were now cancelled.
Fans posted videos of them burning their Cake Cream CD's and logo'ed T-shirts.
It had all come tumbling down in a flash.
James parlayed his notoriety by joining a popular band, and to celebrate he fucked some spare chick he picked up in a bar.
Life was going on.
Of course it is. But, it helps to stretch things, however, just to see how others react.Quote:
Originally Posted by theywontpayontuesday
Probably, the best way not to take shit seriously. Beats talking, let alone with fools, about examining heads.
Tasha, Mr V is kicking your ass on story telling. Maybe you should start you own thread and not interrupt Vee's story.
You mean brainlessly sporting bullet proof vests, motorcycle helments and chilling with boxes of pizza doesn't make for a good narrative?Quote:
Originally Posted by theywontpayontuesday
Who knew?
Actually, only half of Cake Cream enjoys having sex with men. ;) James, Jimmy, and Mike are 100 percent Straight. ;) Billy and Andy are Gay and Axl is Bisexual. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterV