When Billy awoke the next morning, he had two things: morning wood, and an idea. Why didn't I think of this before, Billy wondered, putting cocaine directly inside my penis. He looked for a syringe, but came up empty handed. He would have to venture out to the Walgreens to get supplies to try his new idea. He threw on a faded pink muumuu and matching hat and espied a bus stop not far from the bridge he was sleeping under. With no money for the bus, he would have to give the driver a hummer. The bus pulled up. It was a lady driver.

"I don't have any money, do you have a dick I can suck in lieu of payment?" Billy asked in his poshest British accent.

"Hop aboard. This is my last day of work so I don't give a fuck any more." the driver said non-chalantly.

Billy thanked the heavens for his good luck and looked around for a seat. He espied an empty spot next to a grumpy looking woman who appeared dressed for work at Walgreens. As Billy approached, the woman grimaced and quickly put a hideous handbag in the empty seat. Then she lifted half her rump to let rip a hot barking shrimp scampi stinker. Pee-yew! Billy grimaced in return. The woman laughed. "That shrimp was COMPED."

Billy had never been so insulted in all his life. What could he say or do that would top the ultimate diss of putting an ugly handbag on an empty seat and farting? He had an idea.

"I have two things you'll never have, lady"

"Oh yeah, what's that? An ugly muumuu and a bald spot?" the woman retorted.

"No, because you can easily obtain those things. The two things I have which you will never have are class, and..." Billy now paused and then leaned in close to whisper the second part, "an account in good standing on Wizard of Vegas forums."

Upon hearing the second item the woman flew into a rage, banging on the bus windows with her ham hock fists, swinging her ugly handbag at her fellow passengers at random. Its contents flew through the air on the speeding bus. Lipstick, gum, scotch tape, a futuristic blue key, a 5x7 framed glamour shot of a nude midget posing on a yacht, purple crayon, 20 ketchup packets, a ziplock baggie with cash and coins, debit card, employee badge, petrified hunk of baguette, clothespin voodoo doll of Axl Rose, Rubik's cube, ancient Greek dagger, ancient Chinese dragon carved from jade, business card from Claven Records, autographed photo of Andy Chang from CCCR, handwritten list of best fart scenes in film, silicone breast implant, taxidermied gerbil wearing a miniature Walgreens uniform, and a red helium balloon.

The bus driver had no more time for this shit, stopped the bus at the nearest Church's Chicken, ripped a coleslaw fart, and said to the passengers, "See ya, hate ta be ya!" before jumping out the front door.

Everyone exited and dispersed in various directions. Billy and the Walgreens lady with shrimp scampi farts stayed behind on the bus. While the lady was collecting her belongings, Billy surveyed the bus with an even more brilliant idea than the one he'd woken up with.

"Wowsers! I should just live on this bus. I can drive it across the country and do a solo tour."

And with that, Billy unceremoniously threw the Walgreens lady off the bus and onto the pavement and drove off into the sunset.

THE END.