Page 41 of 41 FirstFirst ... 313738394041
Results 801 to 813 of 813

Thread: Young Axl Rose and Cake Cream in 2022! :D

  1. #801
    Suddenly glass shards rained down into the center of the courtroom. Axl Rose, Esq. had opted for the dramatic entrance of busting through the skylight. He almost landed on KNKKT but luckily landed on a courtroom sketch artist instead. As he brushed debris from his rented suit, the bezel of an Audemars Piguet Royal Oak gleamed in the crisp, unfiltered sunlight. KNKKT, who had no knowledge of or interest in the engineering marvel of high-end automatic watches, was impressed by his purple rayon suit and puffy lime green pirate blouse. It perfectly matched her hideous handbag. She knew then and there it was a sign from the heavens that good things were coming her way.

    "Your hon -- *beeeeeeeelch* -- or, this woman was not engaged in disorderly conduct. She was infact performing a sacred ritual c-store dance at the behest of her employer, one Mr. Rahul Patel. I call to the stand Mr. --"

    Judge V. cut him off mid-sentence. "We have to do all the court-y stuff before you can call witnesses. This is not even a trial, just a preliminary hearing. Ah what the hell, let's just do the trial now so I can go home and drink some vodka-and-brownie-mix slurry.

    Mr. Patel approached the judge and whispered "The longer this trial goes on, the more suspicious my wife will be that I have been intimate with Ms. KNKKT. Can we wrap this up quickly? For the love of Krishna nobody in my family can know that I hit that!"

    Judge V. was sympathetic, for he too had regrettable hits.

    "Ok KNKKT, I sentence you to one hour of community service, which you can serve any way your court-appointed counsel deems appropriate. NEXT!"

    The next case on the docket was the quickie marriage of Axl Rose and some chick named Tasha McForumtroll. Once Judge V. pronounced them man and wife they immediately consummated their marriage on the floor of the courtroom, glass shards and all. There was not a dry eye in the house, mainly because KNKKT let rip toxic onion farts the whole fucking time. In post-coital bliss, Axl suddenly remembered that KNKKT was his personal slave for exactly one hour. He knew exactly how he would put his faithful servant to use.

  2. #802
    Judge V. watched the consumation from his aerie in the courtroom.

    "Good thing the cameras are still rolling," he told his bailiff; "TMZ will pay a boatload for this."

    He left the bench and took a few lines of good Peruvian flake in his chambers; his bailiff was doing Jaeger shots while stripping and getting on her hands and knees.

    "It's good to be the judge" he mused while farting directly into his bailiff's face.
    What, Me Worry?

  3. #803
    Having stopped boning KNKKT, Axl had a profound realization.

    He yelped "Hey, wait a minute, I'm gay."

    Not having had sex since her father died, KNKKT said "No worries Axl baby...I'm trans."

    Judge V. observed this exchange on the audio / video system which was recording this bizarre event for "posterity:" he sprinkled some more Peruvian flake onto his cock while his bailiff worked overtime huffing, puffing and blowing like a steam engine.

    While Judge V. plummeted the recesses of his bailiff's gullet, Axl resumed plowing KNKKT's north forty, happy to learn that he was really fucking a man...sort of.

    KNKKT's artificially constructed "vagina" queefed, moaned, and groaned until it fell apart catastrophically, causing massive amounts of blood to gush onto the linoleum; "That's the last time I'll go to Tijuana for this shit" she mused before passing out from blood loss.

    Judge V. viewed the catastrophe unfolding in his courtroom: instinctively he grabbed a copy of Black's Law Dictionary, ran into the courtroom and stuffed it into KNKKT's cooter, staunching the flow and saving her / his / its/ their life.

    EMT's arrived and took KNKKT away while Axl sipped a DQ strawberry blizzard he'd kept ready in a vacuum pot.

    "Women, I mean men, I mean...oh who gives a shit, I'll fuck anybody anywhere."
    Last edited by MisterV; 02-21-2024 at 06:59 PM.
    What, Me Worry?

  4. #804
    Tasha yanked the last page out of her magic typewriter and scribbled "THE END" at the bottom. Although her time-traveling Axl Rose novel was plotless and had at least three distinct writing styles, who was she to question the magic typewriter? Then, because her knowledge of the publishing world had stopped at 1993, she made 20 photocopies of the manuscript, stuffed them into large yellow envelopes, and mailed them to all the big NY publishing houses.

    Tasha was blissfully unaware that the most recent owner of the magic typewriter -- Karice -- had not only an agent, but also a dozen short stories published in twee literary journals, and yet still couldn't find a publisher for over a year. Once Karice finally landed a book deal she was duty-bound to unload the magic typewriter onto its next master, which she did by tossing it over the roof of the Holiday Inn. Tasha had been the first (and only) witness to jump in the fountain to see what had made the big splash.

    All that is to say, Tasha was out of her depth, but didn't know it yet. Weeks went by without a response from any publisher. Tasha did what any unreasonable no-talent writer would do: She made 40 more copies of her manuscript and booked the next flight to the Big Apple. She was going to personally hand deliver her manuscript to the big wigs. On the flight she was seated in the cheap seats and tried unsuccessfully to shmooze her way into a first class upgrade. The person she was seated next to kept blasting ass. Tasha, whose own belly was as turgid with gas as the other passengers, replied with her own voluminous toot. Soon the entire cabin was engaged in petty fart warfare, which increased pressure to such a degree that the plane exploded mid-air.

    Luckily Tasha was a paranoid sort who always traveled with a parachute pack. She was the sole survivor of the crash and sold her story to Dateline for $2900. Time to hit the slots.

  5. #805
    After Tasha lost all her Dateline money on slots she headed to the liquor store to buy 30 lines of Pick 4 Straight. The cashier who printed out her tickets looked familiar, but not like anyone she had met in real life. No, he resembled a man who had lived in her imagination and on the keys of the magic typewriter: Billy.

    No, it couldnt be, she mused. Billy was just a fictional character she had invented. She walked back to the store on the pretense of buying some scratch offs to get another good look at the cashier. To her shock he was outside taking his break, eating a slice of frozen pizza, DiGiorno to be sure.

    Tasha ran back to her dingy studio apartment. She opened the dresser drawer where she kept all the photo copies of the manuscript and counted them. 11. She was certain there had been 12 in the drawer. Something sinister was afoot.

  6. #806
    To calm herself down, she logged on to the old lottery forum. To her surprise, there was a newish poster with some sort of cuckold fetish who was always getting ragged and dragged in the comments section of the lottery news forum. Wow, that poster is really getting ragged and dragged a lot for his nonstop cuck-posting, thought Tasha. Glad it's not me.

    Trolling the lottery forum had long since lost its luster, so she turned on the tube. Nothing like televised small claims court hearings presided over by an irate judge. Her favorites were reruns of Judge Judy and the People's Court. To her surprise, there was a new show called "Judge Vaanavardawanabatt," which was stylized as "Judge V." because of the length and difficulty of pronunciation. Tasha rubbed her eyes and looked again. Just a coincidence, she mused, the Judge V. in my story is not vaguely South Asian. But just to be sure, she went back to the drawer to recount her manuscripts. 10. OMG WTF is happening?

  7. #807
    Tasha fled her fifth floor walk up to get a bucket of wings at Pop Eyes: ah, comfort food.

    Walking back to her tenement she espied a group of fellows all carrying and slurping on DQ strawberry blizzards; they were led by a fellow who looked exactly, it couldn't be.

    Tasha increased the speed of her walk but alas in doing so she slipped on dog shit and tumbled ass over tea kettle onto the sidewalk; stunned she gasped in surprise when she espied the source of the slippery mound:

    "Whoa...white people are weird, but at least they eat well" she thought as she stumbled back to her dank lair.

    Tasha checked and...WTF?...only 9 manuscripts left.

    She quickly logged in at her "shrinks' office," WoV, and posted at length about this mystery, asking for help: the typical response was "Have you considered killing yourself?"

    Tasha cried woefully "I try so hard, why don't people LIKE ME?

    'Twas but a brief existential pang: there were more wings left in the bucket and hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
    Last edited by MisterV; 02-24-2024 at 02:59 PM.
    What, Me Worry?

  8. #808
    The next day, they got up, ate, and got ready for the day.

    On Social Media, Cake Cream Fans were clamoring for another Cake Cream Show soon. Cake Cream and Axl all blushed happily. They put on bulletproof vests and motorcycle helmets and went to the James L Knight Center and Axl booked them for a Cake Cream show tomorrow. Fans were happy. Cake Cream and Axl went back to the Luxurious Penthouse Suite and watched Axl's first night with 2022 Guns N'Roses when he covered for Older Axl before most people knew who Axl REALLY was. Cake Cream and Axl all blushed happily watching Axl cover for Older Axl.

    Cake Cream all were like,"Axl, you did a phenomenal job covering for Older Axl."

    Axl blushed happily and said,"Well, Older Axl is literally the older version of me, so.... He laughed.

    Cake Cream all laughed too.

    James got a call from Melissa and happily answered it. Melissa and James chatted for a while and then hung up. James said to Cake Cream and Axl,"I'm going to the beach."

    Cake Cream and Axl all said,"We're going to the beach with you."

    James said,"I'm going to Disney World!"

    Cake Cream and Axl all said,"We're going to Disney World with you!"

    James said,"I'm going to Pizza Hut!"

    Cake Cream and Axl all said,"We're going to Pizza Hut with you!"

    James said,"I'm going to the gym!"

    Cake Cream and Axl all said,"We're going to the gym with you!"

    James said,"I'm going to the Circus!"

    Cake Cream and Axl all said,"We're going to the Circus with you!"

    James said," Okay, okay, I'm going to Melissa's house!"

    Cake Cream and Axl were all like,"Okay. Bye James, have fun."

    James smiled and put on a bulletproof vest and a motorcycle helmet and left to go to Melissa's house.

    Billy, Jimmy, Axl, Mike, and Andy stayed home and chilled in the Luxurious Penthouse Suite.

    James went to Melissa's house and they made out in bed. James told Melissa he loved her and she said it back. The Fan was on and they literally laid in bed, chilling in more ways than one. They watched TV, cuddling and making out more. Melissa shyly asked him if he wanted to sleep over. James sheepishly said he'd love to, but he had a Cake Cream Show tomorrow. And he was the Lead Guitarist for Cake Cream.

    Melissa asked,"What time is the Cake Cream Show tomorrow?"

    James sheepishly said,"11 O'clock tomorrow morning."

    Melissa said,"Can't you sleepover with me and just set your alarm for say 9 AM? You'll have two hours to get ready and go to the Cake Cream Show."

    James replied,"That's a good idea!"

    Melissa smiled and James set his alarm for 9 AM. He told Cake Cream and Axl that he was sleeping over at Melissa's house.

    They all said,"Okay," but Axl reminded James that the Cake Cream show started at 11 O'clock the next morning and he needed to be there . James was like,"Okay."

    James and Melissa hung out more, making out and chilling. They fell asleep.

    The next day,"James woke up and saw in horror that it was 10:30 AM! He had missed his 9 AM alarm! No! He quickly got ready for the day and called a LYFT to Melissa's house. He and Melissa had a rushed goodbye and his LYFT came. He took the LYFT to the James L Knight Center and made it at exactly 10:58 . Axl said,"You cut it REALLY close, James. Like literally two minutes before the show. You really should work on that." Axl said in a serious Manager type of voice. Like the Manager he was. Billy, Mike, Jimmy, and Andy all backed up Axl.

    James blushed shyly. The show started behind bulletproof plexiglass barriers and was really good. Cake Cream Fans cheered wildly. The final sendoff happened to even more wild cheering and the show was over. After the show, Cake Cream and Axl went to McDonald's and had a nice lunch. After McDonald's, they went back to the Luxurious Penthouse Suite and chilled and then went to sleep.

    Take comfort in the fact that no one is actually backing up his wishes to have you permanantly banned.

    Smart is knowing a Tomato is a fruit.

    Wise is knowing a Tomato doesn't belong in a fruit salad.

    I am glad to get my full posting rights back! Thank you Dan!

  9. #809
    James was as nervous as he had ever been in his life. Good! Use this nervous energy! he commanded himself. He breathed in and concentrated all his energy on his apple cheeks. Burn, baby, burn! he incanted. The flush was hotter than the flames when he had lit a match next to Axl's fart. Now flutter your eyelashes he reminded himself.

    Today was the Blushing Shyly National Championship. James had been victorious in Florida Regional Blushing Shyly Invitational and now was ready to claim the national title. From there? The World Finals of Blushing Shyly, to be held in Antananarivo, Madagascar. According to the internet rumor mill, the top 2 favorites to win the world title were a 104-year-old Japanese man and a Peruvian midget living in the slums of Lima. But James was getting ahead of himself. In order to even have a chance at the world stage, he would need to beat his American rival, Karen Nathan. He wondered what KN was doing right now, and what sort of mental exercises she performed to perfect her shy blush.

    James had been mentored by Axl Rose, who couldn't blush shyly very well himself, but was great at coming up with prompts that brought out the shyest blushing in James. For instance, one morning Axl had surprised James by showing up in his bedroom naked and farting louder than an elephant all while maintaining wood. James was very uncomfortable around erect older men, and thought farting was the funniest shit ever, so of course this display had him blushing shyly in a heartbeat.

  10. #810
    Karen Nathan gnawed well-seasoned, tasty muscle and sinew off the last Pop Eyes wing: "alright, time to practice Blushing Shyly."

    She let loose a massive, long, droning fart, one for the ages...and began to blush.

    "Bad girl" she scolded herself for farting; desiring to "kick it up a notch" Karen Nathan dropped a deuce into her yoga pants; the smell permeated to air to a redolent degree.

    "Wicked girl" she admonished herself, her blushing deepening.

    Of course Tasha could not actually SEE herself blush as her complexion was as black as India ink, but she KNEW she was blushing because every time she blushed her nipples leaked milk.

    She garnered enough milk to make some cheese, then cleaned herself, dressed, and took a bus to the competition site at the James L. Knight center.

    Karen Nathan was shocked upon entering the venue to see that James was already quite florrid, as red as a Sioux; "time to get to work" she concluded.

    Chomping an apple fritter she'd kept in her hideous handbag, she focused on the one thing that ALWAYS made her blush shyly...her guilt over creating and posting under so many false socks.

    "Oh, I've been a bad, bad girl..." she muttered while blushing oh so shyly; her nipples gushed milk and the judges quickly lapped it up, as always welcoming the "percs of the job."
    Last edited by MisterV; 02-26-2024 at 09:23 AM.
    What, Me Worry?

  11. #811
    Early in the morning, Andy felt tremendous guilt over fucking over James, Jimmy, Billy, Mike, and Axl for money. He especially felt bad over fucking over Axl for money. Axl STILL protected Andy even after Andy had tried to sell him out for just $1,000/$5,000. Andy's guilt was eating him alive. Andy had thoughts of ending it all. Of Andy took a handful of sleeping pills and drank them, hoping to drift into a permanent sleep, never to wake up again.

    Axl woke up a couple of minutes later, having an AWFUL feeling about Andy. He rushed to Andy's room and saw Andy sleeping. Something is REALLY wrong with Andy, Axl's gut instincts told him. He went to Andy and tried hard to wake him up. Andy didn't respond. Axl watched in complete horror as Andy's face begun to turn a dark purple. Axl's stomach turned to knots. He knew something just wasn't right with Andy. Axl then saw the sleeping pills Andy had taken. Basically the entire bottle was EMPTY. Axl had a VERY bad feeling about what happened. Axl called an ambulance for Andy and Paramedics soon came. They quickly attended to Andy.

    Axl got Andy's insurance card, Andy's ID, Andy's cellphone, Andy's debit card,put shoes on himself, and Andy and got his cellphone, and his ID. The Paramedics put Andy on a stretcher and loaded him up into the ambulance. Axl went with him. Paramedics continued working on Andy. Axl cried and prayed to God to let Andy live.

    At the hospital, Andy was immediately admitted to the ER and his stomach pumped. The sleeping pills were all taken out of his stomach. The Doctors said if Andy had come just a few minutes later, he most likely would have passed away. Axl thanked the Doctors for saving Andy's life and they welcomed him. Axl used Andy's debit card to pay for all expenses that occured in the hospital.

    Andy woke up and was confused on why he was in a hospital. Axl cried in relief that Andy was still alive. The Doctors said that Andy would have to stay in the hospital for a day. Axl and Andy agreed.

    Andy's phone rang and it was Billy wondering why Andy and Axl were at the local hospital.

    Andy admitted he purposely overdosed on sleeping pills and was in a hospital.

    Billy rushed over to the local hospital and went to the hospital to Billy cried, knowing that Andy, his best friend, had just attempted suicide.

    Axl also cried knowing that Andy had just attempted suicide.

    The Doctors suggested that Andy get psychiatric help ASAP. Axl as Andy's Power Of Attorney had the right to consent that Andy get psychiatric help ASAP.

    Axl consented. Andy was soon put in psychiatric ward and doctors worked hard on him.

    James, Jimmy, and Mike traced Andy, Billy, and Axl's cellphones to the local hospital and rushed over there. They all cried knowing that Andy had tried to commit suicide.

    Andy was touched that his five brothers cared about him so much. He was glad that his suicidal attempt was unsuccessful.

    Axl begged the doctors to not tell the Media that Andy had purposely overdosed on sleeping pills. Billy, Andy, James, Mike, and Billy all backed up Axl.

    The Doctors agreed not to tell anyone that Andy had purposely overdosed on sleeping pills. Axl and all of Cake Cream breathed sighs of relief. The Doctors worked hard on Andy for the day and the very next day, Andy was cleared to go home. Andy, Billy, Mike, Axl, Jimmy, and James all went back to the Luxurious Penthouse Suite.

    Andy opened up that he tried to commit suicide because of the tremendous guilt he felt over betraying them. He admitted he was glad that his suicide attempt failed.

    Everybody told him that they were all glad the suicide attempt failed too.

    Andy felt extremely loved. Andy went to sleep, a normal sleep, not a suicide attempt sleep.

    Axl, Billy, James, Jimmy, and Mike decided to keep Andy's suicide attempt a secret. They didn't want the media knowing that Andy tried to kill himself. They chilled in the Luxurious Penthouse Suite. Billy offered to sleep in Andy's bed to try to protect Andy. Axl and the rest of Cake Cream thought this was a good idea. Billy went to Andy's bed and fell asleep next to him.

    Andy woke up in the middle of the night and saw Billy sleeping next to him. Billy woke up just SECONDS after Andy did kind of like on cue.

    Andy was glad that Billy was sleeping next to him. Billy said,"You really had us all scared, Andy."

    Andy smiled shyly and said,"I'm glad I got saved before I could kill myself."

    Billy said,"We're all glad too. We all love you, Andy, like Brothers.

    Andy said,"I love you all too, like Brothers. I truly am sorry I fucked you guys all over for money.

    Billy said,"We know. We all forgive you, Andy.

    Billy and Andy smiled at each other. They both felt sleepy again and soon both fell asleep again.

    Take comfort in the fact that no one is actually backing up his wishes to have you permanantly banned.

    Smart is knowing a Tomato is a fruit.

    Wise is knowing a Tomato doesn't belong in a fruit salad.

    I am glad to get my full posting rights back! Thank you Dan!

  12. #812
    Tasha, maybe you could write more about Andy spending time in a residential treatment facility following his suicide attempt. While spending time apart from the gang he could meet new characters and have new interactions.

  13. #813
    While he slept, Cake Cream arranged to have Andy taken by private ambulance to a "sanitarium" upstate; upon being awakened by two large, burly attendants Andy vehemently objected but his pleas came to naught as...gasp...Axl had his Power Of Attorney.

    It was early morning when Andy arrived at his new "home," and the birds were chirping, the bears were growling, the wolves were howling.

    It was there that he met what would soon be his nemesis: Nurse Tashet, a rabid Cake Cream fan of Nubian ancestry.

    "Oh...My...God..." she gushed upon seeing the latest arrival to her menagerie; "I can't wait to tell everybody on all my social media accounts who just came here for a Mind Squeeze."

    The nurse was so overcome with untrammeled zeal that her bowels involuntarily evacuated, not that she noticed: she harbored rabid Fan Love and was as ecstatic as a Swifty espying a view of Taylor Swift during the Super Bowl.

    In fact, she didn't wait: she went to the break room, removed her greasy phone from her hideous handbag (along with a couple wings....yum) and posted the info far and wide.

    Within minutes the internet went crazy; it shook, it wheezed, it did cartwheels and finally the 'net let loose with a quasi-volcanic blast of swamp gas rivaling the Mt. St. Helens eruption.

    Meanwhile Andy was given a massive dose of psilocybin mushrooms by his treating "shrink," who in fact was an imposter: his real name was "Skydance" and he was a devoted member of the Rainbow Gathering.

    The fraud told Nurse Tashet that Andy was completely insane and that he needed massive doses of psychedelics in order to ground his unhinged mind.

    "Only we can save this poor man" predicted the stoned imposter: "he needs all the drugs we can give him."

    "Should I give him some of the LSD and ecstasy that I use when I play slots?"

    "Absolutely, nurse: see if you can score some fentanyl while you're at it; with our efforts he'll soon be a changed man."

    Nurse Tashet smiled, then belched out what smelled like fried chicken.

    "Yes doctor, you're the boss."

    "Indeed I am...Indeed I am...both a doctor and a boss."
    Last edited by MisterV; 02-26-2024 at 01:32 PM.
    What, Me Worry?

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 2 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 2 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Axl Rose showing up in 2022! :D
    By Tasha in forum Whatever's On Your Mind
    Replies: 80
    Last Post: 10-22-2022, 06:33 AM
  2. The beautiful Chinese woman was the icing on the cake.
    By pahrump pete in forum Las Vegas
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 03-19-2019, 02:06 PM
  3. Dog Shit Cake count.
    By Moses in forum Whatever's On Your Mind
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 11-19-2018, 10:21 AM
  4. A Rose By Any Other Name
    By Alan Mendelson in forum Las Vegas
    Replies: 68
    Last Post: 09-29-2017, 07:02 PM
  5. Thrifty Ice Cream
    By Alan Mendelson in forum Whatever's On Your Mind
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 02-27-2013, 10:44 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts