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Thread: Young Axl Rose and Cake Cream in 2022! :D

  1. #201
    Bravo!

    Adopting Tasha's seemingly inimitable writing "style," to boot...
    What, Me Worry?

  2. #202
    Thanks MisterV. I've been lurking and get a lot of laughs out of your improvements to this tale. I should have added more random capitalizations. Always got to keep that focus on over-explaining minutiae in repetitive language to give it that Tasha feel.

  3. #203
    Axl looked at Wild Water's shows they had done and he realized that Wild Water was actually the New Guns N'Roses, not Cake Cream. Cake Cream sounded much better than Guns N'Roses, so they definitely weren't the New Guns N'Roses. Wild Water definitely did sound like Guns N'Roses, and even had the reckless attitude Guns N'Roses had when they were younger. Cake Cream was as good as gold. Cake Cream were nice boys. Also, Mike, the Singer of Cake Cream really didn't sound all that like Axl, he had his own signature style, and but was definitely not the "Front and center," Front Man that Axl was for Guns N'Roses. Jimmy and James, the Guitarists, had more stage presence than Mike did.



    But with Wild Water, Sam,the Singer had the in your face, reckless, front man that Young Axl had in the 80's. Wild Water all had that reckless in your face vibe.



    Axl was torn. Wild Water was the New Guns N'Roses, not Cake Cream. What should he do? He'd look like a douchebag dropping Cake Cream for Wild Water. And like a backstabber.



    Axl had a great idea. Maybe he could call Older Axl to be Wild Water's Manager and he could remain Cake Cream's Manager.



    Axl called Older Axl and said," Axl, I/we made a huge mistake. Cake Cream is not the new Guns N'Roses. It's Wild Water."



    Older Axl said,"I also think that Wild Water sounds much more like us than Cake Cream des and Wild Water has the attitude which Cake Cream doesn't have."



    Axl was like,"Good, we're on the same page that Wild Water is the New Guns N'Roses, and Cake Cream is not."



    Older Axl responded,"So, what do you want to do? Leave Cake Cream for Wild Water?" That will make you look really bad."



    Axl responded,"I know. Would you like to be Wild Water's Manager and I remain Cake Cream's Manager?"



    Older Axl replied with a sigh,"Axl, you're asking a lot out of me. First, I watched Cake Cream for you, then I let James live with me for a couple of days, and now you're asking me to be Wild Water's Manager."



    Axl responded, "Okay, fine, let the actual New Guns N'Roses go fall by the wayside before they even really get started." Axl said, sneakily.



    Older Axl responded with a sigh,"Okay, fine, I agree to be Wild Water's Manager."



    Axl smiled and thanked him.



    Older Axl welcomed him.



    They chatted for a while and then said their goodbyes and hung up.



    Older Axl called Slash and asked him if he thought that Wild Water was the New Guns N'Roses.



    Slash responded, "Yep, Wild Water is the New Guns N'Roses."



    Older Axl said,"How do you feel about me managing Wild Water?"



    Slash responded, "Uh, Wild Water is wild as hell. They're reckless!"



    Older Axl responded wryly,"So were we when we were in our 20's. "



    Slash responded,"But we weren't THAT reckless and wild!"



    Older Axl to responded,"Good point, but maybe we can put Wild Water under our wings and get them to rein in their very reckless and wild nature while getting them to become huge successful Superstars like Cake Cream is. "



    Slash responded,"You have good points "



    Older Axl smiled and thanked him. Slash agreed that Older Axl should become Wild Water's Manager.



    They chatted for a while and then said their goodbyes and hung up.



    Older Axl went down to the local jail cell and decided to bail out Wild Water. He went to visit Wild Water in jail. He took paper and pen with him.



    He told the Guard he wanted to pay Wild Water's bail. The Guard looked at him curiously.



    Older Axl responded,"I'm W. Axl Rose and I definitely can afford and want to pay Wild Water's bail.



    The Guard said,"You sure? Wild Water is very wild."



    Older Axl responded, "I'm sure."



    The Guard said,"Okay." Older Axl paid Wild Water's bail, and Older Axl was allowed to go to their jail cell. He went to their jail cell and chatted with them.



    He told them that he wanted to be their Manager and they were like,"Oh my God, you're W. Axl Rose!" They were starstruck.



    Older Axl smiled and told them they were the New Guns N'Roses and if they signed Contracts and let him be their Manager, he could make them very successful.



    They agreed. He drew up some Contracts that stated he was their Manager and they agreed to stop being so wild and reckless, i.e, stop attacking Police and assaulting People in general. They nodded. A passing Guard was asked by Older Axl if he could be a Witness and he agreed. Wild Water read, understood, and all signed. Older Axl agreed and the Guard signed as Witness. Wild Water was soon released. Wild Water and W(Older Axl) decided to go to Claven Records and see if Claven Records wanted to sign Wild Water.



    Claven Records was hesitant, but W claimed that Wild Water was the New Guns N'Roses."



    Claven Records said,"We thought it was general knowledge that Cake Cream is the New Guns N'Roses."



    W shook his head and said,"No, Wild Water is the New Guns N'Roses, not Cake Cream."



    Claven Records were like,"But Wild Water is wild and reckless!"



    Wild Water and W promised that Wild Water agreed to scale back their wild and reckless nature a lot.



    Claven Records tentatively agreed to sign Wild Water up. W, Wild Water, read, understood, and signed the Contracts. Wild Water was officially signed to Claven Records! Claven Records, W, and Wild Water all chatted for a while and then said their goodbyes and W and Wild Water left.
    https://photos.app.goo.gl/Zk2WAFzDcrJ7pjNB7

    Take comfort in the fact that no one is actually backing up his wishes to have you permanantly banned.


    Smart is knowing a Tomato is a fruit.

    Wise is knowing a Tomato doesn't belong in a fruit salad.



    I am glad to get my full posting rights back! Thank you Dan!

  4. #204
    Older Axl, now going by by "W" in honor of the best BJ he had ever received while visiting the White House, went back to his car to sign more documents. Document signing was a big part of his life in this universe. Much time was spent on document signing. That, and mundane conversations confirming that documents need to be or had already been signed. He wished that every time he signed a document he got a BJ.

    Whilst in his reverie of document signing and BJs, someone tapped on his car window. It was man dressed in a giant penis costume.

    "Excuse me ma'am, but I'm a bit lost. I'm looking for the convention center. I'm attending a BJ convention."

    "Why did you call me ma'am? Don't you recognize me as older Axl from the year 2023, who now goes by W?" replied Axl, who now went by W.

    "Sorry, sir. I thought you were kindly elderly lesbian." said the man in the penis costume.

    "Well I'm not an old woman. I just look like one. I also sign a lot of documents and have conversations about needing to sign them or confirming that I have already signed them." said W, also known as Axl.

    "Document signing you say. You should come to the convention. I'm moderating a panel discussion about getting BJs whilst signing documents." said the man in the penis costume.

    This sounded really good to Axl. He agreed to go with the man in the penis costume. When he arrived at the convention center, there were some documents he had to sign before he could receive his name tag. But seeing as it was a BJ convention, the man in the penis costume sucked Axl off while he was signing the documents. At the convention, Axl listened to a presentation about working the balls while giving BJs, and another about working the butthole. It was very interesting. After listening to lots of presentations and visiting vendor booths, Axl attended a social activity. He caught up with the man in the penis costume at the open bar.

    "So I didn't catch your name." Axl said.

    "It's Nathan. But not that Nathan." said Nathan, the man in the penis costume.

    "Who's that Nathan?" Axl asked, perplexed about what Nathan meant by that Nathan.

    "I'm not the infamous Nathan from the WOV forums who always gets ragged and dragged for having sock puppets. I'm just a normal person who happens to share that name. It's a really common name, you know. Plenty of people are named Nathan and don't troll gambling forums." said Nathan really defensively.

    Axl did not go on gambling forums, so he didn't understand what Nathan was talking about. He just really like that BJ he got while he was signing documents before he got his name tag. He wanted to know more about Nathan, who dressed as a penis and gave really good BJs.

  5. #205
    Ilovebigknockers, you honestly deserve to be banned. It's clear you signed up with the sole purpose of ragging and dragging me. I got banned on another Website for merely asking Posters to post who their favorite Posters were despite not being a problem Poster at all, so you definitely deserve to be banned for this.
    https://photos.app.goo.gl/Zk2WAFzDcrJ7pjNB7

    Take comfort in the fact that no one is actually backing up his wishes to have you permanantly banned.


    Smart is knowing a Tomato is a fruit.

    Wise is knowing a Tomato doesn't belong in a fruit salad.



    I am glad to get my full posting rights back! Thank you Dan!

  6. #206
    Over the next several weeks, Older Axl got to know Nathan, the man in the penis costume. Nathan never removed the penis costume, but he gave excellent BJs regardless. Spending time with Nathan was a welcome reprieve from all the boring work of signing documents and managing a stupid band and dealing with a bunch of druggie criminals who happened to play instruments. Not to mention all the annoying phone calls from his younger self, who was too dense to text or solve the issues himself. Axl said to himself, I'm too old for this shit. Older Axl felt that Nathan was someone he could grow old with.

    One morning as Nathan was driving them to their favorite diner, Nathan said, "Check out this new band my cousin's friend plays in. Firearms N' Daffodils." and he popped a cassette tape in the tape deck of his 1985 Mitsubishi Starion, which miraculously still worked in the year 2023.

    "Oh no." groaned Older Axl.

    "I'm telling you they're the next GNR." said Nathan.

    Older Axl listened to the tape for a while. FND were pretty good, and they did sound better than Cake Cream and Wild Water, but he did not have time to mentor yet another band.

    "That's nice, dear." said Axl. "But let's just enjoy our drive to the Greasy Ladle. I'm going to get the chocolate pancakes with bacon."

    Nathan was quiet for a while. He looked nervous. He gripped the steering wheel very tightly and kept signalling his turns to early. Finally he let out a big sigh followed by a ginormous fart.

    "Axl, there's something I've been meaning to tell you."

    "Nathan, you can tell me anything. You're the love of my life."

    "Okay, here goes. I'm actually married."

    Axl nearly choked on his Double Mint Gum. "What???"

    Nathan continued. "You know my housekeeper, Karen? Well, she's actually my wife. We have an open marriage. We are both in love with you and we want you to come live with us."

    "I can roll with that." Axl lied.

    Axl furtively unbuckled his seatbelt. When Nathan stopped at a yellow light, Axl obeyed his survival instincts and bolted out of the car. He did not want his body distributed among several black garbage bags and buried in the woods. He had read enough bad fan fiction on the internet to know where this was leading. What had he been thinking? Hooking up with a man who never removed a penis costume.

    Over the next month Axl changed his identity and appearance and moved to the sticks in Utah. He found work as a handyman in a small town of polygamist compounds in the desert. He converted to Mormonism and received a Temple Recommend to visit the inner sanctum of the temple in Salt Lake City. For the first time he felt the warm embrace of Jesus's love. His magic underwear were itchy, and the sensation helped ground him in reality. He was finally home, away from the madness of his time travelling younger self, away from the sinful gay stuff and drugs and shitty 80s tribute bands. He realized that the whole arc of his life had lead him here, to true happiness and peace.

    THE END.

  7. #207
    Axl had just finished being sucked off by his third Mormon wife when a vision from hell appeared through his bedroom window.

    "Holy shit" he exclaimed, "How did that nut case find me?"

    Outside the man in the penis costume spurted cake cream joyfully from the tip of his head.

    "Who's that, baby?" crooned wife #3?

    "Shut up and get back to gobbling my nob" barked the troubled time traveler.

    Axl ignored the insistent tapping on the window and then the pounding on the front door, filled as he was with righteous indignation for no particular reason.

    Days passed, yet the giant penis simply would not leave.

    Townspeople stopped to take pics and videos of the humongous erectus, having seen nothing like that since high school gym class.

    The local elementary school modified its PE curriculum by having students try to climb / shimmy up the huge meat puppet; after about five or six failed attempts they were covered in spewed cake cream: delicious !
    What, Me Worry?

  8. #208
    News of the mysterious man in the penis costume in Utah went viral, even reaching the Alaskan bush, where Young Axl and Billy had relocated after they accidentally started a fire in the recording studio in which the rest of Cake Cream and all of Wild Water perished. Axl was on the porch of his and Billy's rustic cabin, which had no electricity or running water, reading the Alaskan Bush Daily Tattler, when the news article caught his eye.

    "Hey Billy, the guy in the corner of this photo looks a lot like older me, but with some surgery to make him look less like a lesbian." said Axl the Younger.

    "What?" replied Billy, who could not hear Axl because Billy was in the outhouse where the wood panel walls muffled the sound of voices. It was very good construction. Even better than the cabin proper, if he was being totally honest.

    Axl waited until Billy finished dropping a hot deuce and left the outhouse. He then repeated himself.

    "Yeah it does look like a less lesbian version of older you. Could it be...?" wondered Billy.

    They eagerly read the article, cocooned and farting under a flannel blanket to generate warmth on the chilly porch. When they finished reading they exchanged knowing glances. They knew what they had to do.

  9. #209
    W called Axl and said,"The deal is done. Wild Water is now signed to Claven Records and I am their Manager."



    Axl responded with a smile,"That's wonderful news!"



    W smiled and said,"Thank you."



    Axl welcomed him.



    W then thought of the fact that he would be very busy doing Guns N'Roses Show and being Wild Water's Manager.



    Axl said,"You were lead singer of AC/DC and Guns N'Roses the very same year in 2016. You can do this."



    W responded,"I'm not so sure. " He had doubts.



    Axl thought of something off the top of his head. Axl said,"Why not combine Guns N'Roses and Wild Water? Wild Water is the New Guns Roses, so why not just bring Wild Water into the Guns N'Roses Family? Why not try something like,"Wild Guns?"



    W responded,"That's not too bad of an idea."



    Axl thanked him and was welcomed.



    W said," Axl, you really do have great ideas."



    Axl responded with a playful laugh,"Stop flattering yourself. But, thank you."



    W responded back with a laugh. W responded,"I'm really glad you showed up in 2022."



    Axl responded,"I'm glad I showed up in 2022 too."



    They chatted for a while and then said their goodbyes and hung up.



    Axl admitted to Cake Cream that there were new Claven Records Brothers who were around their ages .



    Cake Cream said,"Who are our new Claven Records Brothers?



    Axl said,"Let's just say, Amy, my Sister loves Wet And Wild makeup."



    Cake Cream were like,"Wet And Wild makeup? Are Wild Water our new Claven Records Brothers?"



    Axl said,"Yes."



    Cake Cream asked,"Who is Wild Water's Manager?"



    Axl responded someone who is like my Older Brother. Though, actually, he'd be more like my Father than my Older Brother."



    Cake Cream asked,"Is Older Axl Wild Water's Manager?"



    Axl responded,"Yes."



    Cake Cream were like,"Why would Older Axl want to Manage Wild Water? They're wild and reckless!"



    Axl responded," They can have their wild recklessness reined in by Older Axl and the rest of Guns N'Roses. It'll be fun to have 6 new Brothers.



    Cake Cream reluctantly agreed to accept the fact that Wild Water were now their Musical Brothers.



    Axl smiled.



    Meanwhile, Older Axl booked Wild Water for the next Guns N'Roses Show that night.
    https://photos.app.goo.gl/Zk2WAFzDcrJ7pjNB7

    Take comfort in the fact that no one is actually backing up his wishes to have you permanantly banned.


    Smart is knowing a Tomato is a fruit.

    Wise is knowing a Tomato doesn't belong in a fruit salad.



    I am glad to get my full posting rights back! Thank you Dan!

  10. #210
    Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away (Miami, Florida) a woman pounded her head on her computer keyboard, moaning "Why can't I write like these two guys can write?"

    As punishment for her lack of mental acuity she repeatedly cut her forearm cross-wise with a razor blade; no neophyte to self-mutilation she knew better than to cut lengthwise.

    "Where is my muse?" she mulled, before sopping up the blood and cauterizing her arm with her hair iron to staunch the flow.

    "Damn, I better clean this thing, those nappy hairs got stuck to my skin."

    An idea: the same one she got every day: "Well, I guess I'll go to the casino, maybe I'll get inspired."

    She took the local bus to her neighborhood clip joint and was accosted by security shortly after entering.

    A burly guard told her to wait there: she did, only to soon learn that the police were en route.

    "Police? Why?"

    "Lady, you know damned well why. We trespassed you yesterday after watching you pour coca-cola around the buttons of the slots you played."

    "Yes, and like I said then coke is 'it' and I am looking for 'it'" she smiled broadly, her third grade mentality on full display.

    Two cops arrived, in a sour mood.

    "Is this the perp?" growled one.

    "Yeah, we trespassed her yesterday, here's a copy of the paperwork."

    "But..."

    "Shut up, lady or I'll tase your black ass" sneered John Law.

    "I came here seeking inspiration, to light up my mind" she offered, but the other cop said "I'll light you up..."

    Massive amounts of electricity coursed through the hapless slot slut, setting her handbag on fire.

    The cops and the security guard filmed the entire encounter and put it on YouTube where it went viral.

    Axl saw it and said to Billy "Hey handsome, come check out this incredibly stupid idiot on YouTube."

    They watched the clip reapeatedly, laughing hysterically; Billy thanked Axl for telling him about it and Axl told Billy he was welcome.
    Last edited by MisterV; 01-23-2023 at 07:15 PM.
    What, Me Worry?

  11. #211
    "Would you like anything from the beverage cart?" the stewardess asked Nathan as he was on board a direct flight from Salt Lake City to Miami. His wife Karen was in stable condition in the hospital after having been attacked by police. Ben Crump, the #1 ambulance chaser for blacks, was blowing up his phone. "Nathan," Ben Crump had said, "You and Karen just won the ghetto lottery. You're going to be rich beyond your wildest dreams."

    Nathan couldn't believe his and Karen's luck. With the massive settlement they were about to receive, as well as the massive speaking fees they were going to charge to every news outlet in exchange for interviews, Nathan and Karen would be able to realize their dream: purchasing the WOV forum.

    Nathan closed his eyes and envisioned the ban hammer he was going to slam down on all those power-tripping mods who banned his and Karen's sock puppets. It was motherfucking payback time.

  12. #212
    W called Cake Cream and Axl and invited them to go to the Wild Guns Show.



    Axl and Cake Cream were delighted to go. W got them 6 Free Wild Guns tickets. Axl and Cake Cream got ready for Wild Guns. They chilled and then got ready for the show. They wear wearing bulletproof vests and motorcycle helmets.



    They went to the Venue and W gave them their tickets, they were excited and he had made all of Wild Guns wear motorcycle helmets and bulletproof vests.



    Wild Guns practiced and they sounded good. It was time for the Show. Cake Cream and Axl sat in the front row. Wild Guns performed behind bulletproof plexiglass barriers and they were really good. Wild Water sounded really aggressive and passionate and Guns N'Roses was calm and chill. The perfect balance. Fans of both Wild Water and Guns N'Roses were delighted to see them perform as one Supergroup..



    Cake Cream and Axl enjoyed the Show too. The Final Sendoff happened to wild(no pun intended, cheering and then the Show was over.



    After the Show, Wild Guns, Cake Cream and Axl all went to dinner and had a great dinner. Axl did a toast to the New Claven Family Members and was toasted back. Axl couldn't believe in a good way that Wild Water was now part of Guns N'Roses. Funny how life turned out. Fans asked everybody for Selfies and Autographs and everybody obliged. The Fans were happy and thanked them and were welcomed. The Fans went back to their own tables.



    After eating, Cake Cream and Axl went home.



    Already the Wild Guns Show was going viral. Fans were like, That Wild Guns Show was great. We now have two new bands we can jam too, Wild Guns and Cake Cream. "



    Cake Cream and Axl blushed happily.



    Other Fans were like,"Axl Rose is managing Cake Cream and W. Axl Rose is managing Wild Water. Life is sweet."



    Axl and Cake Cream got ready for bed and went to sleep.



    The next day, Cake Cream and Axl woke up and on Social Media, there were posts mentioning that Cake Cream didn't have aggressive and reckless edges like Wild Water had. They mentioned that it would be nice to see Cake Cream be more aggressive and reckless.



    Cake Cream looked at Axl curiously.



    Axl said, "You guys shouldn't go be aggressive and reckless. You guys are good as gold nice boys. Your talent is your gimmick.



    Cake Cream mentioned mockingly"Nice boys don't play rock and roll. I'm not a nice boy and I never was," From Guns N'Roses Nice Boys song.



    Axl said wryly, Guns N'Roses wrote Nice Boys in 1988 when being reckless and aggressive were much more accepted than 2022."



    Cake Cream were like,"You have good points," Axl. Axl smiled.



    On Social Media, there were posts saying stuff like, " Cake Cream isn't the New Guns N'Roses, they sound really good, but I don't know what they are. Wild Water is actually the New Guns N'Roses."



    Cake Cream looked at Axl curiously.



    Axl took a deep breath and told Cake Cream,"It's true. You aren't the New Guns N'Roses. You guys sound better than Guns N'Roses."



    Cake Cream smiled.



    Jimmy asked, "Who do you prefer out of us and Guns N'Roses? We promise we won't tell anyone else. Cake Cream backed up Jimmy.



    You guys promise to just keep it between us? Axl asked tentatively.



    Each and every Cake Cream Member promised.



    Axl said," I love both Guns N'Roses and Cake Cream. They're both good Bands. But I feel closer to Cake Cream than Guns N'Roses. Cake Cream is solely MY Band, and I don't share Cake Cream with 4 other People. I love Managing Cake Cream and being part of Cake Cream. Technically, I am no longer part of Guns N'Roses but I am actively part of Cake Cream. It doesn't hurt that I am dating a Cake Cream Member, but never dated a Guns N'Roses Member. He and Billy blushed happily at each other.



    All of Cake Cream smiled. Axl felt good telling Cake Cream his feelings.
    https://photos.app.goo.gl/Zk2WAFzDcrJ7pjNB7

    Take comfort in the fact that no one is actually backing up his wishes to have you permanantly banned.


    Smart is knowing a Tomato is a fruit.

    Wise is knowing a Tomato doesn't belong in a fruit salad.



    I am glad to get my full posting rights back! Thank you Dan!

  13. #213
    God was not amused.

    "What is this moron doing, creating a world with TWO Axl Roses?"

    God farted and lightning bolts shot out his ass.

    "Such effrontery, disturbing MY vision of the world" he rumbled.

    "I created Guns 'n Roses and I will NOT allow a nappy-headed interloper to fuck with my version of perfection."

    God bellowed:



    A swarm of locusts descended on a hovel situated in the poor part of Miami; elephants dropped from the sky, destroying the home of the minx who dared to interfere with God's plans for mankind.

    Equipoise.
    Last edited by MisterV; 01-24-2023 at 01:04 PM.
    What, Me Worry?

  14. #214
    Older Axl and Younger Axl were reading a People Magazine together in the waiting room of the neurologist's office. Concerned friends and family had urged them to get brain scans on account of their stilted speech and shared inability to carry on conversations deeper than a text message exchange between two soccer moms arranging a playdate for their children who superficially knew each other through an extracurricular activity.

    "Axl Rose and Axl Rose?" a nurse called out.

    Both Axls followed her to the examination room. Dr. Fiddycent motioned for them to sit down. He let out a big fart as he bent to sit in his doctor's chair.

    "Your brain scans show very concerning patterns. It seems that the presence of two Axls in this universe has caused each of you to experience a marked decline in brain function, the most salient feature of which is your stilted conversation. It's almost as if you were two characters in a very bad piece of fan fiction posted on a forum whose topic was very far removed from literature. What we think is going on is that in this universe, there is only a finite amount of brain power to be allocated to the being of Axl Rose. But since there are two Axl Roses, each of you has now half the brain power." Dr. Fiddycent explained.

    "That is very interesting." said Older Axl.

    "Yes, I agree Older Axl. It is very interesting." agreed Younger Axl.

    "I like it when we agree with each other." said Older Axl.

    "I agree that it is good to agree with each other." said Younger Axl.

    "All this agreeing is making me hungry. Let's go to the hospital cafeteria to get sugarfree chocolate puddings and turkey burgers." suggested Older Axl.

    "I agree. And maybe we can sign some documents too." said Younger Axl.

    "See what I mean?" said Dr. Fiddycent. "You two are completely retarded."

  15. #215
    This conversation was overheard by nurse Tasha, who had been cleaning out bedpans and removing the remnants of a ruptured spleen from the corner of the room.

    "Excuse me, doctor, but..."

    Dr. Fiddycent glowered at her then exploded with "Nurse, if I want your opinion I'll go through your union representative. Now get back to work, and do you see how that spleen is still dripping?"

    Chastised, the black wannabe Florence Nightengale choked back her tears and said "I was only trying to..."

    Again the sawbones became infuriated: he picked up a bouquet from 1-800-flowers, shook out the wilted roses and smashed her in the face with the vase.

    "Now get OUT" roared the doc: she did, but slipped on her own blood while making her exit.

    The two Axl's were only mildly concerned.

    "She never should have interrupted you, doctor" said Axl.

    "Yes, I agree, she never should have interrupted you" said the other Axl.

    "Nurses should never interrupt doctors."

    "Let us hope she never interrupts him again."

    "Indeed, you are right as always."

    The two Axl's shook hands, put on their bulletproof vests and motorcycle helmets, and walked hand in hand out of the room, en route to Dairy Queen for strawberry Blizzards.
    Last edited by MisterV; 01-24-2023 at 06:23 PM.
    What, Me Worry?

  16. #216
    At Dairy Queen the two Axls shared one Blizzard with two straws. Some urban youth at the next table looked at them and snickered. One of them said "Hey look DaQuan, two girls one cup." The youth who was apparently named DaQuan sucked in through his teeth and said "Mmm mmm... I like me a fine ass older lesbian. Wuss yo name sweetie?" Older Axl realized he was the fine ass older lesbian and said "Axl Rose of Guns N' Roses." Then both Axls stood up, picked up their chairs, and smashed them on the table of the urban youth.

    The impact splattered frozen yogurt all over everyone's faces. The urban youth ran out of the DQ just as the DQ manager ran out from behind the counter yelling "Get the fuck out of my Dairy Queen, all of you!" The two Axls made like a banana and split, but not before picking up a wallet that one of the urban youth had left behind. Once they were half a block down the street they opened the wallet to check out their loot. There was a drivers license for someone named Day'vid, 76 bucks, a condom with holes poked thru the wrapper, and a grocery list written in Ebonics. Juce, bred, peenit buter, and kondums were just a few of the items it listed.

    "Hey we have enough to buy some of those new Super Diamond Millions scratch offs. Top prize is 1 million dollars paid as a 60 year annuity, or 5000 bucks lump sum." said younger Axl.

    "But don't you remember all those Youtube videos we watched about clerks scamming lottery players trying to claim winning tickets? What if we win and then we get scammed?" warned Older Axl, just as he let out a long, wet fart, which he punctuated with a hot belch. Both Axl's sniffed the air. Younger Axl thought to himself that he hadn't smelled anything so pungent since he got Dutch ovened by Billy. Older Axl thought to himself that he hadn't smelled anything so sulfurous since he was Dutched ovened by Nathan who wore a giant penis costume. Both Axls were lost in thought day dreaming of lovers past and passionate farts long since dissipated into the magical Florida air. Except it was night, and they had to hurry to the gas station before lotto sales closed for the night.

    When they got to the gas station they were dismayed to find out the Super Diamond Millions scratch off was all sold out. They bought some Mega Millions instead. Through the speaker they heard some music that sounded vaguely familiar.

    "What song is this?" Younger Axl asked the clerk.

    "Ow no." said the bleary eyed clerk without looking up from her phone. "Hol up, got a app dat recka nize songs." She deftly moved her long ass nails around her phone screen and then smiled "Iss a song called Dick Nuts by a band called Firearms in Daffodils."

    "These guys a good. We should manage them." said Younger Axl.

    "Younger me, that's all we ever do. Manage bands, sign documents, confirm the signing of documents. Back when I was a Mormon I learned what it felt like to do other stuff besides boring shit in the music and management industries. Like fixing stopped up toilets on polygamist compounds. DIY abortions are very popular, but damn those little fetuses are a bitch to snake out of the drain."

    Both Axls checked into a hotel for the night. They watched the Mega Millions drawing on the local news station and were elated to discover that one of their quick picks had matched all 5 white balls plus the red ball. They had won $764 million as a 30 year annuity, or $400 million lump sum.

  17. #217
    The ebullient Axl's returned to the gas station with their winning ticket, smiling and belching like lords.

    A different clerk was behind the counter, sharpening his K-bar and smoking a Chesterfield.

    "Help ya?"

    "yes, we just won the lottery and want to get paid."

    "Lemme see that."

    He took the ticket and scanned it: nada.

    Unbeknownst to the Axl's, the clever clerk had muted the scanner so the winning tone never chirped.

    "Sorry, this is no good."

    "But we have all the numbers."

    Here is where the clerk made his play: "Somehow you got hold of last week's ticket, not today's; sorry."

    Crestfallen, the Axl's shook hands, said "Oh well, maybe next time" and prepared to leave.

    "Do you sell strawberry blizzards?"

    "No."

    "OK, good night, and thanks for your time."

    "Yes, thank you, and please throw that losing ticket away, will you?"

    "You bet I will."

    Walking home Axl said to Axl "He was a nice man, wasn't he?"

    "Yes, very nice, and so polite."

    "Yes, so polite."

    "I wish there were more people like him, don't you?"

    "Oh yes, you are right, I too wish there were more people like him."

    They shook hands and continued their journey.
    What, Me Worry?

  18. #218
    They got ready for bed and went to sleep. When they awoke, they ate and got ready for the day.



    Cake Cream and Axl were able to chill, no Cake Cream Show today.



    They watched a South Park episode where Cartman was singing a song in front of a large audience at a Concert. He was singing off key, so he got booed and said,"Screw you guys, I'm going home!" And stormed off the stage angrily.



    Axl said,"I would have said,"Screw you guys, I'm going home!" And left in Cartman's position too. Getting booed is no fun."



    Cake Cream giggled.



    Axl was like,"What's so funny?"



    They showed him the infamous Riverport Concert Riot clip where he stopped the concert and dove in headfirst off the stage and into the crowd and smacked someone in the head and then angrily left early.



    Axl said incredulously, "I dove in headfirst off the stage and into the crowd and smacked someone in the head and angrily left early? I must have been on some dumb shait to do that."



    "Actually, you were sober in this era," Jimmy said. Cake Cream backed up Jimmy.



    "I was sober and did that?" Axl responded.



    Cake Cream responded,"Remember this was around the time you went crazy in the early 90's."



    Axl nodded and was like,"Man if I did that now, I'd probably be kicked out of Guns N'Roses for that!"



    Cake Cream wasn't sure if Axl would have been kicked out of Guns N'Roses for that in 2022.



    Axl did some research on the infamous Riverport Concert Riot and wondered how he in the near future ended up being arrested for starting a Riot when he didn't expect a Riot.



    Axl said,"If anything, I should have been arrested for assault for smacking the guy in the head, not starting a Riot."



    Cake Cream were like,"You have valid points, but this was a long time ago. Luckily, this is water under the bridge in 2022."



    Axl smiled. Cake Cream smiled back. They chatted a little more about the infamous Riverport Concert Riot.



    They all had a good day, just chilling.



    The next day, it was Billy's 27th birthday. Cake Cream and Axl decided to just throw him a private birthday party, just them 6. They ordered birthday cake, ice cream, cookies, chips, soda from Instacart and ordered no contact pizza. The food and soda arrived.



    They set up the party and Billy was delighted his 4 Brothers and Boyfriend threw him a party, for just them 6. Axl said,"Happy birthday, Baby," and Billy blushed happily. Jimmy, James, Andy, and Mike were like,"Happy birthday, Billy. Billy smiled even more happily. The party was fun and Cake Cream and Axl enjoyed Billy's private birthday party. They got to chill today too. They had a fun day.
    https://photos.app.goo.gl/Zk2WAFzDcrJ7pjNB7

    Take comfort in the fact that no one is actually backing up his wishes to have you permanantly banned.


    Smart is knowing a Tomato is a fruit.

    Wise is knowing a Tomato doesn't belong in a fruit salad.



    I am glad to get my full posting rights back! Thank you Dan!

  19. #219

  20. #220
    theywontpayontuesday, record yourself reading this passage 52 times in a row:

    They got ready for bed and went to sleep. When they awoke, they ate and got ready for the day. Cake Cream giggled. Billy blushed happily. They chatted a little more. Axl smiled. Cake Cream smiled back.

    Now you got Tasha's book on tape.

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