Kid Rock cancelling concert / Tasha's virginity

[The Boz]

Hey, I thought Lance Henriksen made a fine biker boss villain.

When pitting the two football players as bikers movies, Joe Namath's "CC and Company" and Boz's "Stone Cold," against each other, I have to say that Lance Henriksen gives Stone Cold a chance. But then Ann Margaret is in CC, so tough to choose which film is better. Stone Cold is probably easier on the mind and CC is easier on the eyes. I give them each a D+ because of Henriksen and Margaret.

He was certainly better in Pumpkinhead. But that red haired dude was semi likable.

[The Boz]

As for Tasha, it’s probably bad I bash a retarted minority that enjoys her interactions here. Most of us have no clue what it’s like to be part of generation after generation of inferior intelligence that keeps breeding, blaming their lives on something that happened 160 years ago. I give her credit for not breeding and ending what unfortunately is probably one of 6-11 kids in a family that refuses to improve their life opportunities.

While I said your prior post seemed "racist," I am not really faulting you for it as I, too, often harbor and express such thoughts.

But I'm really trying to be a better person these days.

Picking on Tasha is simply "too easy:" like only picking the low hanging fruit.

Where is the satisfaction in getting something over on her?

I still give her some friendly shit but flaming her is NOT challenging; I have "moved on" to engaging with more formidable opponents such as the dawg and Robert when the opportunity arises.

To conclude: I ain't the forum police but Tasha is a bit, shall I say, "vulnerable..."

Yes it (she, he, whatever) is.

As for Rob, you won’t get anything bad out of me towards him. Did it years ago, met the guy and liked him. He’s who he is like most of us and enjoys fucking with people who set themselves up for it. And if anyone ever gambled based on his “teachings” that’s on them.

And MDawg, most see him for what he is as well. Amusement fantasy postings looking for attention. Of course it’s mostly BS with some truth sprinkled in. I personally loved the stories from Ace of Spades years ago if I wanted the high rolling tales of a lawyer in Vegas. I will say about Ace those who say they wish MD was more truthful gave Ace a lot of shit about how he played. KJ and others bitched about the basic card counting system he used under the guise of trying to “help” him. So saying they wanted a more truthful or inclusive adventure from MD is BS.

Hell MD could be Ace reincarnated getting back at the members who gave him so much shit, but I don’t believe that. He’s just another WoV member that the crowd left there chased away over the years.

[Gottlob1]

Boz = Rat Fink
AxelWolf = Drunken Fool
Garnabby + 8.5 Aliases = Cool

(That is, until, Garnabby Fucked it all up, with his long-winded replies, in fear of being banned.)

mcap is still a redskin, faggot, nigger though.

Thanks, Monet. As they say, two out of three ain't bad. And, lots of fun times.

If the board causes Dan such angst, then it would be best for him to just walk away from it, ie, shut it down. But, laying that on me is a bit much.




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[kewlJ]

Boz, I don't think I gave Ace of Spades a lot of shit. I enjoyed his posts...a look into a higher limit player, that most of us won't experience. Same as I would have enjoyed that from MDawg if he had been honest About his play.

AofS was playing what? Ace-five count? Or was it speed count? I forget. Either way it wasnt enough to come close to turning the games he was playing +EV. I just wanted to be sure he understood this.

Frankly it just doesnt make sense to go to the trouble to count cards just to reduce the house advantage.

[AxelWolf]

Boz, I don't think I gave Ace of Spades a lot of shit. I enjoyed his posts...a look into a higher limit player, that most of us won't experience. Same as I would have enjoyed that from MDawg if he had been honest About his play.

AofS was playing what? Ace-five count? Or was it speed count? I forget. Either way it wasnt enough to come close to turning the games he was playing +EV. I just wanted to be sure he understood this.

Frankly it just doesnt make sense to go to the trouble to count cards just to reduce the house advantage.

30 losses in a row was no doubt over-exaggerated.
However, for the most part, he was a good poster and a cool guy.

[accountinquestion]

The Boz seems like a nice normal dude in that nice normal way but the consistent punching down towards Tasha is wtf. I feel bad enough giving Kewl so much shit but I it is mostly deserved given his insistence on continuing with his lies.

I even feel bad about Redietz at times. If Redietz did his football analysis and talked about his tournaments without insulting APs all the time he'd be fine. He'd get more positive attention without the insults.

Tasha? Sheesh. WTF. I'd be ashamed. So she begged for money supposedly at some point. Who cares. Why care? Why would a successful guy go out of his way? He should pick on anyone else.

Hell I live in my parent's basement. Boz should be giving me shit.

If you think about it, the guy names himself out of his football hero and attacks some harmless goofy woman with a gambling problem. Come'on dude. An embarrassment to the real boz. Can you imagine The Boz picking on some poor black woman? Normal successful people don't do that stuff.

Nope, not named after Bozworth but whatever. Those who know, know.

Sorry I don’t fit the model of how you expect someone in my life situation to act. It’s exactly why I’m in my life situation, I didn’t follow the norms of how society expects one to act.

I beat the system that most believe you need to follow to be “successful”. And many on here did the same and I’m thinking you are “semi” similar.

As I said before to you, you appear to be one of reasonably normal ones here, at least compared to Garanby. But yea, in my mind if you live in your parents basement you made some shitty life choices. At least in my world, but again, we all have our own paths to lead and maybe you can justify it. Not my determination. I’m sure you have your reasons.

As for Tasha, it’s probably bad I bash a retarted minority that enjoys her interactions here. Most of us have no clue what it’s like to be part of generation after generation of inferior intelligence that keeps breeding, blaming their lives on something that happened 160 years ago. I give her credit for not breeding and ending what unfortunately is probably one of 6-11 kids in a family that refuses to improve their life opportunities.

As for an embarrassment to the “real” Boz, did you ever see the movie Stone Cold? If so you owe me an apology. ��

I had to dig my parent's basement on my own bro. Thats how hard of a life I've had. If i had to literally live with my parents that shit would have motivated me to go get a fucking job. BUT digging the basement was free except for my own labor. They were pretty pissed when they found out but I'd basically already dug a hole big enough to put a cot in. I said pa', I just need a place to stay while I get on my feet. He had an engineer check it out. He wouldn't sign off on the safety but he gave us a wink and a nod and said we'd probably be ok. Been livin' here ever since.

Seriously though I wish I had bought a house and now I'm not sure sure. Houses are a lot of upkeep but they let you bump the pussy notch up by a 1 or 2. Yet if you're not going to be there half the time .. shrug. Part of my doomerism is that housing is going to just keep going up in price due to inflation driven by attempts at people saving themselves from mother unnature.

Anyway -back to the subject. My take is you were successful at business but really I have 0 clue about your life experience. So from what I picture you as - picking on Tasha just seems.. beneath who you should be but everyone sees things differently. The woman has a job. She's weird as fuck. She likes gambling too much but she has a job so who are we to judge her harshly?

Anyway in general I've tried to be a nicer person on these forums. We'll see if it lasts. My anti-social streak has been fading with age. I drink far less. I used to binge 2nd to few. I'm trying to be a normal average fella.

You ripping into Monet is far more justified. lol

No - did not see Stone Cold but I googled the boz in the course of the first post and saw that movie. I'm not a sports guy but perhaps I will watch the movie to gather a clue.

Even if blacks are not as smart by IQ standards - is there anything gained by being so blunt and antagonistic? You suggest you want these people to improve themselves but you sorta shit on the whole group of people. How does that help? I actually consider myself racist but I make a real effort to try and be a better person about it. These people need more role models. Maybe Tasha has blamed slavery. We all have shitty experiences with blacks and I've definitely had my share but then you meet well meaning honest black people.. or some black person helps you out. and you think - How can I not try to give everyone a chance and not pre-judge them? I just try to avoid ghettos. anyway.. Some random black dude out there just working and doing the American thing and he reads what you say? Just a shitty vibe. Why not be more considerate even if you have your own views. Whatever. Even in my greying days I still expect too much of people.

[accountinquestion]

You still haven't provided any specifics, let alone about any unicorn plays, or the existence of. Just one AP dildo after the other, such as KJ, Redietz, Seedvalue, and MaxPen.

Guys (except for Red) who made a big deal about ditching the Wizard, coming here, and, next, supposedly, to straighten out Alan's board to do with comps, casino management, and the like. So, who was the unwelcome addition? Alan never deleted anything, he was okay with the "refuge" troublemakers, but, he later noted that the place had thus become an "asylum". Virtually all of the regulars cleared out. But now you come along to accuse me of being anti- anything. Just fuck off, and let me out of your useless crap. You totally ungrateful piece of shit.

P.S. Dan. Time to remove the RIP banner. The "refuges" couldn't give a shit about Alan. Especially Boz, who tried to stamp out even Alan's spirit and soul, his very being.

I once told Dan that if I said what I was really thinking, that he couldn't take it. That still holds.

There really is no get rich quick stuff. APing isn't about getting rich for 99% of APs. It is many different things to many different people. If something is a unicorn play then it should be clear you never tell anyone and milk it yourself. The reality is that these things don't even ever come up for the vast majority of APs.

Why would I provide specifics of anything? Most of it is out there.. counting cards.. walking around checking machines. There are plenty of specifics. If it isn't known then no reason to broadcast it on a forum with 100s of lurkers.

APs are mostly it is just people who were too quirky to get or hold or even want a job. People who never liked to work in the normal sense. Life is too short. That is why we have civilization. Some APs are too smart to work. Most never bought into the protestant work ethic.

I remember the day I was walking through the halls of a large blue-chip company. (Name would be recognized by everyone on here) Those grey walls.. one door past another and just htinking.. is this really what I want to do with myself? Just use my talents for some assholes? I get that is how it works but that is only because it is by default for most people in my position of life. So from there I started messing with poker and used it as an excuse to not work. I was never that good at poker. Too emotional, not level-headed enough, not willing to put in the work to improve myself in a proper way, etc etc. I can nit grind pretty well but now I have too much money to even do that very well.

Now I look back and see those all as wasted years yet here I am still fucking with gambling. At least I didn't have some shitty depressing job. I was depressed without the depressing job.

You are an intelligent person so why would you ever even expect people to talk about specifics of value? Why?

The difference here is that working casino comps like Alan did has not value. It is something to be shared. Things are burnt out over time but no one is all at once missing out on their primary income.

PS - I'm in a weirdly happy mood today. Don't worry I won't stay in sharing mode long.

[Rob.Singer]

You still haven't provided any specifics, let alone about any unicorn plays, or the existence of. Just one AP dildo after the other, such as KJ, Redietz, Seedvalue, and MaxPen.

Guys (except for Red) who made a big deal about ditching the Wizard, coming here, and, next, supposedly, to straighten out Alan's board to do with comps, casino management, and the like. So, who was the unwelcome addition? Alan never deleted anything, he was okay with the "refuge" troublemakers, but, he later noted that the place had thus become an "asylum". Virtually all of the regulars cleared out. But now you come along to accuse me of being anti- anything. Just fuck off, and let me out of your useless crap. You totally ungrateful piece of shit.

P.S. Dan. Time to remove the RIP banner. The "refuges" couldn't give a shit about Alan. Especially Boz, who tried to stamp out even Alan's spirit and soul, his very being.

I once told Dan that if I said what I was really thinking, that he couldn't take it. That still holds.

There really is no get rich quick stuff. APing isn't about getting rich for 99% of APs. It is many different things to many different people. If something is a unicorn play then it should be clear you never tell anyone and milk it yourself. The reality is that these things don't even ever come up for the vast majority of APs.

Why would I provide specifics of anything? Most of it is out there.. counting cards.. walking around checking machines. There are plenty of specifics. If it isn't known then no reason to broadcast it on a forum with 100s of lurkers.

APs are mostly it is just people who were too quirky to get or hold or even want a job. People who never liked to work in the normal sense. Life is too short. That is why we have civilization. Some APs are too smart to work. Most never bought into the protestant work ethic.

I remember the day I was walking through the halls of a large blue-chip company. (Name would be recognized by everyone on here) Those grey walls.. one door past another and just htinking.. is this really what I want to do with myself? Just use my talents for some assholes? I get that is how it works but that is only because it is by default for most people in my position of life. So from there I started messing with poker and used it as an excuse to not work. I was never that good at poker. Too emotional, not level-headed enough, not willing to put in the work to improve myself in a proper way, etc etc. I can nit grind pretty well but now I have too much money to even do that very well.

Now I look back and see those all as wasted years yet here I am still fucking with gambling. At least I didn't have some shitty depressing job. I was depressed without the depressing job.

You are an intelligent person so why would you ever even expect people to talk about specifics of value? Why?

The difference here is that working casino comps like Alan did has not value. It is something to be shared. Things are burnt out over time but no one is all at once missing out on their primary income.

PS - I'm in a weirdly happy mood today. Don't worry I won't stay in sharing mode long.

The definition of becoming "rich" via AP varies between individuals and their goals. I know what mickey does and how he operates, and why. He may have far surpassed his goal long ago, and feel rich and happy just cruising along. Someone like axel, who is married with a home, probably has loftier goals and may or may not feel he's there yet. Same with max or seed or monet etc.

While I wont bring it up again, I'm glad you recognize the proper and only way to treat a "unicorn" play.

I'm not agreeing that some AP's are too smart to work. That depends on their mindset, how & if they've planned out their lives, and again what their goals are--and when they choose to work as an AP. Those "grey walls with lots of doors" in those blue chip companies provide many professional employees and others with rewarding experiences, enduring friendships, early retirement opportunities, and financially secure futures thru their lucrative benefits programs. Yes the pensions, 401k match, and healthcare were far better in my day--and social security is a true bonus that might not be around long--but younger generations, with their aspirations, adapt and adjust.

Alan gambled at a fairly high level until he no longer could. That's why he closed out his life working the lower level comps. He wasn't doing anything that most Las Vegans don't do. I like to think he did it his way.

Do you really see your life in terms of "wasted years" along with depression? Is that why you post so much here? At least you're happy tonight.

[accountinquestion]

While I wont bring it up again, I'm glad you recognize the proper and only way to treat a "unicorn" play.

I'm not agreeing that some AP's are too smart to work. That depends on their mindset, how & if they've planned out their lives, and again what their goals are--and when they choose to work as an AP. Those "grey walls with lots of doors" in those blue chip companies provide many professional employees and others with rewarding experiences, enduring friendships, early retirement opportunities, and financially secure futures thru their lucrative benefits programs. Yes the pensions, 401k match, and healthcare were far better in my day--and social security is a true bonus that might not be around long--but younger generations, with their aspirations, adapt and adjust.

Alan gambled at a fairly high level until he no longer could. That's why he closed out his life working the lower level comps. He wasn't doing anything that most Las Vegans don't do. I like to think he did it his way.

Do you really see your life in terms of "wasted years" along with depression? Is that why you post so much here? At least you're happy tonight.

We all know you had the biggest unicorn of them all. Even Kewl. He just doesn't want to admit. LOL. Just don't start bragging how long the horn was, please. Most of us will not be so blessed. Yea, thats it.

By APs being too smart to work I simply mean that they realized that the quality of life trade-off with the job life just simply wasn't there and they quit before they spent too much of their live developing any career. I've been lucky enough to know a few outliers in this area and listened to podcasts that interview successful people. Yes, some really were too smart to work. I don't put myself in that category which is why I refer to poker years as wasted years. It wasn't all bad but I think I would have simply found life more fulfilling having not made my living off poker. I'm not really proud of it so yea, I call it wasted. Yet there would have been other trade-offs and I have no idea where I would have wound up as a 9-5er.

I see poker as wasted just because I spent too much time with no financial gain at the end of it all. Had I applied myself with skills I had previously and just sucked it up I'd have far more to show for it. Yes, I am a depressed person. I don't like people much by default. I'm picky and finicky but on the other hand i don't need much. I can start living a real frugal life and it won't bother me much at all. THere have been long periods in my life where too few fucks were given.

Regardless I just look back at poker and it is not something i can be proud of. I have some decent stories. I don't think there is much chance of doxing me on this forum because it is so limited in size so I'll tell of a few things in my life.

This year I was staked in a game in a full on cartel compound. Rows of dune buggies, outdoor pool big enough for a dock with jetskis, house with no windows but thick metal door etc it was real deal shit. Not some netflix set. The games weren't big but the prostitutes were pretty enough. I had to drive to bumfuck but it is the sort of thing your average dude will never do.
I once fucking lost a 50 BTC poker hand. That's 1.5 fucking million dollars. Life changing money for me. Sure great story but what is the ending of it? 0 fucking BTC. I sold many BTC for relative pennies because I saw no real chance of it continuing to grow in value.

I once thought I was smart because of a crypto coin I had slithered my way into seemed to be run by scammers. So I sold it, right? Well I was spot on about the scammers but I just didn't realize we were on the same team when I sold. Fuck me ! I probably sold it back to them. Had I sold it at the right time it was 5 million.
This year (maybe last) I had a famous coked out degenerate rubbing my nipples through my shirt laughing his ass off with his whore at his side. Just being weird as fuck. I just awkwardly laughed about it. I think that made it even more funny for him. I don't think ti was a gay thing but who knows. I do know each line of his tab sheet had an increment of 10k. He was blind raising PF in a shorthanded PLO game. Best game I've ever seen but it was literally too much for me in other ways. Pretty sure the game wasn't even on the square and I was there on my own money but regardless I should have stuck it out but I'm too much of a pussy. I am going to half-assed try and get back to being staked in that game but not sure I want to stay up until 5am to keep a game going with a bunch of rich weirdos. It just fucks too much with life elsewhere and watching them give rich immigrants some sorta drugs so they'll dump their money is ehhh uhh not my thing. At this game I go to get cashed out and they make some special trip into the other room to give me packets half full of fucking 1rst generation hundreds. Seemed like they were waiting for some way to off load them.

Within the last year there was another game which I beleive I can be staked in. Haven't played there this year though so who knows. I go with my friend and we're let in and I'm just sorta looking around at the $$ put into the bar and such. It was a legitimate gangster's game. So these uhh henchmen type guys are apparently very concerned I am casing the place. So they all quickly get up around me and it was like.. woah woah. I tell them George brought me here to play with David.. but that didn't really seem to matter until David himself motioned me over. lol fuck

Anyway... lots of stories but I don't really care to share them. Why would i? I don't want people's attention. I never have. I just want to keep moving because that is life.

Rich in stories doesn't necessarily get you anywhere. (duck) Ask Redietz.

A few months ago I had a date with a girl I grew up around. I think all of our mutual friends were curious what happened to me. I had no interactions with them after I was done with HS. I started telling her about my life and multiple times throughout she did this whole mouth agape thing. (no not for that. too bad) I bet all those hens I grew up with were cluck cluck clucking. I didn't even tell her stories. Just an A,B,C,D where my life went. lol that still cracks me up. I 100% know AIQ hit the grapevine hard. I don't even know how to relate to people like that. "WHat do you do - she asks?"

My life has been interesting but still .. wasted. I have a lot of stories I don't even like telling. Sometimes - with people I find to be somewhat degenerate but not really otherwise.

Pretty sure lots of guys around here have lived more than their share of stories. Crimm for sure. Anyone with a serious drinking habit. Any longterm gambler who gambles in the physical world will have. Thats part of what makes it fun.

This place I just laugh at the absurdities. Sometimes try to get some AP info. Sometimes I try to make the best joke I can. Yea, I know I try too hard but it is too easy and too tempting. Sometimes I'm all goofed up on THC rambling on like now. Here you get one of these moments.

[Dan Druff]

Druff did MULTIPLE hundreds of hours of research that he was also able to implement within 6 weeks. Right.

Yup. I did it all day and all night because I was so miserable and couldn't do anything else. Nor did I have a desire to do anything because of the super high levels of anxiety, depression, and anhedonia. Probably put 200 hours into it. The anhedonia was 6 weeks, but that showed up about 3 weeks in. The entire thing lasted at a high level for 9 weeks, and then after rapidly improving, still took another 2 months for the anxiety to lighten to the point where it is now.

I don't care if anyone here believes me or not. That's what happened. I wouldn't make this up.

I believe you. I’ve had similar issues myself for a long time. Took me years to get on right meds for this.

Best advice I can give for anyone that experiences any type mental health issues is if you have Kaiser, dump them as soon as possible & get a different plan, they are the worst for this stuff.

I don't have Kaiser. They suck. I told people 25 years ago to ditch them, and I still say the same today.

It was a pain in the ass getting a psychiatrist at all. They were all either booked or didn't take my insurance. Then I started being open to just saying fuck insurance and paying for one, and I still couldn't find one in the area (or even in the outlying areas) taking new patients, aside from a few who were known as shitshow pill pushers.

I finally found a decent one who was reasonably close, who also took my insurance. He actually spent time listening, which a lot of psychiatrists don't -- they just fire pills at you and ask the next week how it went. This guy actually listened. I didn't need someone to listen to my problems, as this was a physically caused issue, and not from any troubles in my life. Still, I wanted someone who fully understood my symptoms and would do the best at working with me to find a solution.

I told him I didn't want to go on any permanent meds like Paxil. It was too early in the situation (maybe 6 weeks into the whole thing), and once you get on this shit, you can't really get off. They also cause you to not be able to get it up anymore, so fuck that. I knew I didn't have hereditary anxiety/depression, as it was showing up way too late for that (age 46). I just wanted to get to the bottom of what the fuck was going on and take care of it.

I can't say I agreed with all of his suggestions, but some of them were good. He also was accepting that I didn't want to try those meds yet, and wanted to try to work this out on my own, using just Xanax as necessary. Part of the plan I came up with for myself was an every-5-days low dose Xanax to kind of get my mind back used to feeling normal again, even just for fleeting time periods. He said he never heard of Xanax being used that way, but was fine with it if I wanted to try, as once-every-120-hours low dose Xanax would never cause addiction, especially in someone like me who doesn't do recreational drugs. When not on Xanax, I used something counterintuitive -- caffeine (based upon research of how I was metabolizing it, meaning it was good for me). I made some other changes I felt would push the dopamine levels in my brain back to the levels they were prior to the problems. It was my determination after all the research that I was suffering from a low dopamine level, and that solving the dopamine meant solving the psychological issues.

My regimen worked. When I went to the psychiatrist and reported my success, he called the regimen "interesting" and had never seen something done like that before, but actually thought there might be some validity to my theories. Whatever it was, things were working and bringing me back closer to my old self.

Anyway, bottom line is that after a lot of self-directed failures at curing this, I put an end to the worst symptoms of it, and now live normally again. And it only took 2 terrible months and one sub-normal but improving month after. By the time 3 months had past, I was significantly better. All without being on any long term psych meds (I take none except the very occasional Xanax).

I did develop a new appreciation for those who suffer from severe anxiety and depression. I never knew what it felt like before. Now I do, and I understand exactly what those people are going through. Some are cursed to deal with it their entire lives. I got out of it after a few months.

The 5-year-anniversary of the very worst day of the whole thing just passed. September 7, 2018. I was at such an intense level of anxiety and depression that my brain felt a tremendous pressure, as if I had just experienced major trauma minutes beforehand. I spent most of the day in a dark room, in bed, completely debilitated. I could still think rationally and wondered how my own brain was betraying me like this. Rationally I knew everything was fine, but my emotions and perceptions were that of high trauma and stress. I could write or speak and sound normal, but I was anything but. On that day, I said to myself, "I don't have to get all better, but if I could just be able to live normally again, maybe get 85% of the way there, I'll be so thankful. That's all I'm asking for." And that's what I eventually got.

[Dan Druff]

accountingquestion - Did I know you in poker? I didn't know you were a poker guy before.

I had a 9-to-5 through my early 30s. By that point, I was starting to really regret it. I thought about how many years of my existence I would be wasting, toiling for someone else, just to live for the weekends and whatever little recreational time I could make for myself after work.

I think many poker players sometimes feel guilty that they are not "contributing" to society. Well, you don't have to work a 9-5 to contribute to society. There's plenty of other things you can do.

Bottom line is I didn't want to be on my deathbed and think about all the years I wasted at work.

[Dan Druff]

Also, for this psycho Gottlob/Bill Yung/Garnabby to say something is wrong with MY head is ironic. I've tolerated his garbled drivel on this forum for years without doing much about it, aside from removing a few excessive shitposts. But if this weirdo is going to attempt to turn on me now, I'm just gonna show him the door. He doesn't add anything to this forum. I have already been close to just banning him because he's annoying and clutters threads with bullshit.

I didn't attempt to do anything. I simply did simply state my opinion or whatever, but, only after someone, in this case you, stated something per se. If you don't want replies, then don't put it out there, let alone in dribs and drabs.

Turn on you? I have no idea what that could mean, on an anonymous internet message board, other than, say, decades of the neurotic Singer, KJ et al entanglements coupled with schizophrenic interjections, in fits and spurts, from the peanut gallery. Regardless, you have total control over your own message boards. And, so, what would be the point of even that with you? Same as calling me a psycho, by which who could truly care?

Moreover, there's no rule against anagrams-with-gematria, which isn't per se spam, in any way: "Irrelevant or inappropriate messages sent on the internet to a large number of recipients." The one above was hardly irrelevant, but right on topic ... in the sense of the internal narrative of a (professional) poker player wrt his perceived mental illnesses. No definition of anagram, or gematria, mentions anything about spam, pornography, and so on. There are internet message boards about each form of those harmless recreations. And, your boards have a block function. But, as far as uncensored boards go, even the StackExchange professional English language and usage board allows you to sincerely ask about anything that's in English, no matter how profane or otherwise offensive. Most people can deal with whatever stuff out in the open.

In general, are casino people that sure of themselves that they try to cure or whatever even their own admitted mental health conditions? I mean, all of them seem convinced that they are the "cream" of the intellectual crop. Sorry, but I stand by the truth, however I know and understand it. So, if that offends you, then you know where to shove it. Wouldn't want to get seriously caught up in shit like that.

As usual, there is a lot of babbling without really saying much.

I'm just going by my experience reading your posts.

Only occasionally do you actually add to the discussion. Usually it's a bunch of bizarre babble, numerology, anagrams, or other crap that most people scroll past.

Now, to be fair, this is an offbeat site full of offbeat people. Viewed through that lens, you're just part of the bizarre scenery here, and I chose not to interfere with it, provided it didn't create too much clutter.

But I noticed within the past week or so that you seem to be sniping at me. That part isn't against the rules here. People are allowed to bash me if they want. Hell, Rob has done it multiple times, and he's still here. However, when it's a combo of annoying babble AND random snipes at me, that's when I start thinking of hitting the ban button. And as you've seen, it's a button I almost never use here.

I'm never going to use the block button on my own forum. First off, I think block buttons are stupid, because you're just sticking your head in the sand and pretending not to see what everyone else does. More importantly, when I get to the point where I have to block someone her, I'm better off just removing them.

[Dan Druff]

Finally, regarding the RIP Alan message at the top...

I was initially going to leave it up for a few months, but I've gotten used to it being there. Whether you liked Alan or not, he started this place in 2010, and he handed it off to me in 2016 when it was stressing him out too much. Now he's no longer on this earth. I didn't agree with him on a number of things, and we had our share of arguments. But I still respected him and the fact that this place was originally started by him. That's why I kept it fairly close to its Alanbestbuys roots when I took over, and just shifted some things around.

Even though he left the forum for awhile, I'm at least glad that he returned prior to his semi-unexpected passing. Given that he gave me the site for free, I think the least I can do is honor his memory with that small message at the top.

[Ray Finkle]

Also, for this psycho Gottlob/Bill Yung/Garnabby to say something is wrong with MY head is ironic. I've tolerated his garbled drivel on this forum for years without doing much about it, aside from removing a few excessive shitposts. But if this weirdo is going to attempt to turn on me now, I'm just gonna show him the door. He doesn't add anything to this forum. I have already been close to just banning him because he's annoying and clutters threads with bullshit.

I didn't attempt to do anything. I simply did simply state my opinion or whatever, but, only after someone, in this case you, stated something per se. If you don't want replies, then don't put it out there, let alone in dribs and drabs.

Turn on you? I have no idea what that could mean, on an anonymous internet message board, other than, say, decades of the neurotic Singer, KJ et al entanglements coupled with schizophrenic interjections, in fits and spurts, from the peanut gallery. Regardless, you have total control over your own message boards. And, so, what would be the point of even that with you? Same as calling me a psycho, by which who could truly care?

Moreover, there's no rule against anagrams-with-gematria, which isn't per se spam, in any way: "Irrelevant or inappropriate messages sent on the internet to a large number of recipients." The one above was hardly irrelevant, but right on topic ... in the sense of the internal narrative of a (professional) poker player wrt his perceived mental illnesses. No definition of anagram, or gematria, mentions anything about spam, pornography, and so on. There are internet message boards about each form of those harmless recreations. And, your boards have a block function. But, as far as uncensored boards go, even the StackExchange professional English language and usage board allows you to sincerely ask about anything that's in English, no matter how profane or otherwise offensive. Most people can deal with whatever stuff out in the open.

In general, are casino people that sure of themselves that they try to cure or whatever even their own admitted mental health conditions? I mean, all of them seem convinced that they are the "cream" of the intellectual crop. Sorry, but I stand by the truth, however I know and understand it. So, if that offends you, then you know where to shove it. Wouldn't want to get seriously caught up in shit like that.

As usual, there is a lot of babbling without really saying much.

I'm just going by my experience reading your posts.

Only occasionally do you actually add to the discussion. Usually it's a bunch of bizarre babble, numerology, anagrams, or other crap that most people scroll past.

Now, to be fair, this is an offbeat site full of offbeat people. Viewed through that lens, you're just part of the bizarre scenery here, and I chose not to interfere with it, provided it didn't create too much clutter.

But I noticed within the past week or so that you seem to be sniping at me. That part isn't against the rules here. People are allowed to bash me if they want. Hell, Rob has done it multiple times, and he's still here. However, when it's a combo of annoying babble AND random snipes at me, that's when I start thinking of hitting the ban button. And as you've seen, it's a button I almost never use here.

I'm never going to use the block button on my own forum. First off, I think block buttons are stupid, because you're just sticking your head in the sand and pretending not to see what everyone else does. More importantly, when I get to the point where I have to block someone her, I'm better off just removing them.

[DGenBen]

Yup. I did it all day and all night because I was so miserable and couldn't do anything else. Nor did I have a desire to do anything because of the super high levels of anxiety, depression, and anhedonia. Probably put 200 hours into it. The anhedonia was 6 weeks, but that showed up about 3 weeks in. The entire thing lasted at a high level for 9 weeks, and then after rapidly improving, still took another 2 months for the anxiety to lighten to the point where it is now.

I don't care if anyone here believes me or not. That's what happened. I wouldn't make this up.

I believe you. I’ve had similar issues myself for a long time. Took me years to get on right meds for this.

Best advice I can give for anyone that experiences any type mental health issues is if you have Kaiser, dump them as soon as possible & get a different plan, they are the worst for this stuff.

I don't have Kaiser. They suck. I told people 25 years ago to ditch them, and I still say the same today.

It was a pain in the ass getting a psychiatrist at all. They were all either booked or didn't take my insurance. Then I started being open to just saying fuck insurance and paying for one, and I still couldn't find one in the area (or even in the outlying areas) taking new patients, aside from a few who were known as shitshow pill pushers.

I finally found a decent one who was reasonably close, who also took my insurance. He actually spent time listening, which a lot of psychiatrists don't -- they just fire pills at you and ask the next week how it went. This guy actually listened. I didn't need someone to listen to my problems, as this was a physically caused issue, and not from any troubles in my life. Still, I wanted someone who fully understood my symptoms and would do the best at working with me to find a solution.

I told him I didn't want to go on any permanent meds like Paxil. It was too early in the situation (maybe 6 weeks into the whole thing), and once you get on this shit, you can't really get off. They also cause you to not be able to get it up anymore, so fuck that. I knew I didn't have hereditary anxiety/depression, as it was showing up way too late for that (age 46). I just wanted to get to the bottom of what the fuck was going on and take care of it.

I can't say I agreed with all of his suggestions, but some of them were good. He also was accepting that I didn't want to try those meds yet, and wanted to try to work this out on my own, using just Xanax as necessary. Part of the plan I came up with for myself was an every-5-days low dose Xanax to kind of get my mind back used to feeling normal again, even just for fleeting time periods. He said he never heard of Xanax being used that way, but was fine with it if I wanted to try, as once-every-120-hours low dose Xanax would never cause addiction, especially in someone like me who doesn't do recreational drugs. When not on Xanax, I used something counterintuitive -- caffeine (based upon research of how I was metabolizing it, meaning it was good for me). I made some other changes I felt would push the dopamine levels in my brain back to the levels they were prior to the problems. It was my determination after all the research that I was suffering from a low dopamine level, and that solving the dopamine meant solving the psychological issues.

My regimen worked. When I went to the psychiatrist and reported my success, he called the regimen "interesting" and had never seen something done like that before, but actually thought there might be some validity to my theories. Whatever it was, things were working and bringing me back closer to my old self.

Anyway, bottom line is that after a lot of self-directed failures at curing this, I put an end to the worst symptoms of it, and now live normally again. And it only took 2 terrible months and one sub-normal but improving month after. By the time 3 months had past, I was significantly better. All without being on any long term psych meds (I take none except the very occasional Xanax).

I did develop a new appreciation for those who suffer from severe anxiety and depression. I never knew what it felt like before. Now I do, and I understand exactly what those people are going through. Some are cursed to deal with it their entire lives. I got out of it after a few months.

The 5-year-anniversary of the very worst day of the whole thing just passed. September 7, 2018. I was at such an intense level of anxiety and depression that my brain felt a tremendous pressure, as if I had just experienced major trauma minutes beforehand. I spent most of the day in a dark room, in bed, completely debilitated. I could still think rationally and wondered how my own brain was betraying me like this. Rationally I knew everything was fine, but my emotions and perceptions were that of high trauma and stress. I could write or speak and sound normal, but I was anything but. On that day, I said to myself, "I don't have to get all better, but if I could just be able to live normally again, maybe get 85% of the way there, I'll be so thankful. That's all I'm asking for." And that's what I eventually got.

Great story Dan, & I’m glad you got the issues resolved!

Funny story, when I had my issues Kaiser had this week long outpatient class that I took.

Some of their advice was to buy scented candles & a shiny ball you can squeeze to help reduce stress.

When the class ended (there were about 30 people in it) they asked everyone for feedback & the feedback I gave was, I think I am going to upgrade my insurance to at least the next step above “play with a shiny ball” when experiencing mental health issues.

[accountinquestion]

accountingquestion - Did I know you in poker? I didn't know you were a poker guy before.

I had a 9-to-5 through my early 30s. By that point, I was starting to really regret it. I thought about how many years of my existence I would be wasting, toiling for someone else, just to live for the weekends and whatever little recreational time I could make for myself after work.

I think many poker players sometimes feel guilty that they are not "contributing" to society. Well, you don't have to work a 9-5 to contribute to society. There's plenty of other things you can do.

Bottom line is I didn't want to be on my deathbed and think about all the years I wasted at work.

Yes Todd you know me. I ask that you not mention who I am in any way but we were in a car once while we evacuated you from an impending natural disaster. If you still can't figure out who I am then DM me.

You have a point. I didn't want to waste my life doing a 9-5 but then looking back I feel the poker time was wasted. You were more successful at poker though. I was always mediocre although in some games my PTR said I was quite solid.

Ironically this discussion about depression and the likes. I'm going to add something here a bit personal and I'm sure I'll catch some shit. I am on a drug that seconds as a mood stabilizer. (not an anti-depressant) A few days ago I wrote about my experiences in fair detail and then couldn't sleep. The next day I realized I hadn't taken the pill and so the previous night I had leaned on the manic side. Otherwise I'd never told this forum any of that. lol. I questioned whether the drug did anything but the longer I take it the more I see little things like that. Used to be drinking that'd sorta bring out the mania.

[Rob.Singer]

accountingquestion - Did I know you in poker? I didn't know you were a poker guy before.

I had a 9-to-5 through my early 30s. By that point, I was starting to really regret it. I thought about how many years of my existence I would be wasting, toiling for someone else, just to live for the weekends and whatever little recreational time I could make for myself after work.

I think many poker players sometimes feel guilty that they are not "contributing" to society. Well, you don't have to work a 9-5 to contribute to society. There's plenty of other things you can do.

Bottom line is I didn't want to be on my deathbed and think about all the years I wasted at work.

If you're spending money you're contributing to society. The question is about "are you productive".

For many many people, a lifetime of doing the 9 to 5 is not even close to have been wasting their time. My particular "9 to 5" for the 25 years I did it was hardly traditional. In one form or another it is that way around the world, and the world continues to churn. But for those who choose to leave that scene, there's no less value.

Alan's arguing is missed. Alan is missed.

[Gottlob1]

Thanks for that, Ray.

As usual the most useful answers are deeply embedded in the garbage.

Maybe you know the saying, "When you point one finger, there are three fingers pointing back to you." Jesus had a version of this wisdom when he said, "Don't focus on the speck in your brother's eye while ignoring the log in your own eye." When cruel accusations fly, we all need to hear the voice of reason that says, "Look in the mirror, sister. You might just be talking about yourself."

The way I look at your thumbs-up, I guess, to Dan, is that "When you point the thumb (at God), then there are four fingers pointing back at you."

Anyway, were the road to the "end of science" (Hawking's words) a straight, or serious, road, then all of us would have ended up there, a long time ago.


P.S. Bobert. At least I harbor no illusions about being missed. Who the heck are you talking to, anyway? Lololol. Ha. Fuck.

P.P.S. Mental illness, like a back problem, can't be exercised. You just have to step back, for however long it takes, to properly and fully re-evaluate your "place in the world". Note as well that the spinal cord is merely an extension of the brain, but, in this case, for secondary mental processes.

[Ozzy]

accountingquestion - Did I know you in poker? I didn't know you were a poker guy before.

I had a 9-to-5 through my early 30s. By that point, I was starting to really regret it. I thought about how many years of my existence I would be wasting, toiling for someone else, just to live for the weekends and whatever little recreational time I could make for myself after work.

I think many poker players sometimes feel guilty that they are not "contributing" to society. Well, you don't have to work a 9-5 to contribute to society. There's plenty of other things you can do.

Bottom line is I didn't want to be on my deathbed and think about all the years I wasted at work.

If you're spending money you're contributing to society. The question is about "are you productive".

For many many people, a lifetime of doing the 9 to 5 is not even close to have been wasting their time. My particular "9 to 5" for the 25 years I did it was hardly traditional. In one form or another it is that way around the world, and the world continues to churn. But for those who choose to leave that scene, there's no less value.

Alan's arguing is missed. Alan is missed.

Even though I did my share of bashing Alan's foolishness/ utter stupidity, he will always remain as the pioneer of VCT and amongst the most colorful forum legends of all time. Easily top 10 in notoriety.

[DGenBen]

accountingquestion - Did I know you in poker? I didn't know you were a poker guy before.

I had a 9-to-5 through my early 30s. By that point, I was starting to really regret it. I thought about how many years of my existence I would be wasting, toiling for someone else, just to live for the weekends and whatever little recreational time I could make for myself after work.

I think many poker players sometimes feel guilty that they are not "contributing" to society. Well, you don't have to work a 9-5 to contribute to society. There's plenty of other things you can do.

Bottom line is I didn't want to be on my deathbed and think about all the years I wasted at work.

If you're spending money you're contributing to society. The question is about "are you productive".

For many many people, a lifetime of doing the 9 to 5 is not even close to have been wasting their time. My particular "9 to 5" for the 25 years I did it was hardly traditional. In one form or another it is that way around the world, and the world continues to churn. But for those who choose to leave that scene, there's no less value.

Alan's arguing is missed. Alan is missed.

Even though I did my share of bashing Alan's foolishness/ utter stupidity, he will always remain as the pioneer of VCT and amongst the most colorful forum legends of all time. Easily top 10 in notoriety.

Miss him big time! He was awesome

Also miss his lawyer AndrewG