Gamblin' Gal...KAREN

[pinchingyourballs]

One fine summer evening, Karen Kentry's mother treated herself to a lottery ticket after a hard day's work shoveling elephant dung at the zoo. The powerball drawing was up to $999 million and she dreamed of everything she could buy and do with such a sum. T'was only idle daydreaming, because the odds were longer than an elephant turd. She waited until her daughter was asleep before checking her numbers. To her shock and amazement, she matched all six. Upon realizing that she was free at last, she quickly woke up her daughter.

"Get up, get up, I won, girl! I won!"

"What'd you win Mammie? Bingo? Whyn't you wake me to play Bingo with you? You know I love shitting on that casino carpet."

"Pack a bag girl, I won the Powerball. I'm a $999 millionaire now!"

"Wow, where are we going? Tahiti? Hawaii? South of France?"

"We? We ain't going nowhere. You is. Bye!"

[pinchingyourballs]

By the way, what's with the "I and I" stuff?

[MisterV]

By the way, what's with the "I and I" stuff?

see: https://www.quora.com/What-do-Rastaf...ean-by-I-and-I

[MisterV]

"The taste of bananas REPULSES me. ���� A Coworker asked me why I never bought or ate bananas(Bananas are a top seller with Customers and staff alike. ��) and I replied,"I have a strong aversion to bananas, and she let the matter drop. �� I honestly assume she thinks I meant that I was ALLERGIC to bananas, (Not ALLERGIC, just a VERY strong aversion to bananas. �� I will not be buying bananas or eating them. ��"

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Knock knock.

"Who be you?"

"We're the Internet Police and we have a warrant for your arrest. Come with us."

Before she could say "But..." she was cuffed, ragged and dragged away to a secret location, leaving Mammie to heave a sigh of thanks for removing her bane; "Now maybe I can finally relax" she thought while guzzling a fifth of vodka.

Tasha was brought before Judge V. for disposition.

"Well now" leered the jaundiced jurist, coke spoon in one hand, gavel in the other: "You stand accused of stupidity, cupidity, tomfoolery and abject idiocy; how do you plead?"

"I and I is not guilty your honors."

"Yes, you are guilty. Take her away and exile her to Bogey-Land."

Tasha shit her britches at that: "No, not Bogey-Land!"

She was well and truly fucked if they're going to toss her over the Wall into Bogey-Land and she knew it.

There were no appeals possible; she was taken to the Wall, her hands lashed to her side, and clumps of bananas were festooned to her body; she recalled that Bogey's became sexually aroused and rapine when presented with this fruit.

"Dem Bogey-devils, dey loves dese here 'nanas" she mused, stifling tears as she was exiled across the Wall, "I and I might not still be a asexual virgin soon.".

It wasn't long until the Bogey's appeared led by the man she'd thought was her true savior and casino friend.

[MisterV]

So, a surveillance camera video shows a Cashier being robbed at gunpoint, and the Cashier and the Robber are SMILING and LAUGHING WITH each other and chatting amicably as the Cashier gives the money to the robber . People suspected that the Cashier and the Robber were in on it together. It turns out that, no, the Robbery was 100 percent real and the Cashier and the Robber were not in it together! �� It REALLY was one of the strangest Robbery videos I have ever seen. ��*�� For contrast, MY Walgreens Robbery training video has the Cashier being threatened at gunpoint looking TERRIFIED, not laughing, smiling, and chatting amicably with the Robber. ��

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Karen McIntasha rang up three boxes of XXL Depends and sighed: "Why isn't I and I in de casino gamblin'? Why must I and I work? Man, I and I is hongry."

She espied a man entering, wearing a Guns 'n Roses T-shirt; he approached her and pulled a gun: "Gimme all your money."

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, Karen asked "Why? You wanna gamble too?"

This non-plussed the young man; "No, this is a robbery."

"Wait, how can you rob me when you are wearing a Guns 'n Roses T-shirt? What would Axel say?"

"Fuck that gay time travelling doppelganger; open the til and give me all the money."

"Are you sure? That's a crime ya know...do you really want to go to jail?" Karen smiled.

The gent guffawed and said "Nah, I really don't want to go to jail...maybe you're right, maybe I shouldn't rob you." He smiled.

Karen smiled then shook his hand, saying "I and I likes you. Wanna go gets some chicken? I and I goes on break in five minutes."

"Will you buy? I'm a bit tapped out now."

"OK."

And that's how Karen met the man who finally enabled her to remove the label of "asexual virgin."

[niren736]

Karen's whole vibe is very wild honestly, but in a very genius way, imho. What other could make a robbery a casual chat and bonded over chicken? Almost like her weird confidence sort of takes the weirdness and stress out of things, even if it’s the most ridiculous things.

[MisterV]

" I JUST might be thinking of asking for more loans, but I thought,"Girl stick to your principles and morals that asking for loans should be a ONE TIME thing, and stay strong. Don't ask for any more loans." ... Chase Bank has filed a few lawsuits against People who committed MAJOR CHECK FRAUD against Chase Bank in late August.In late August, Chase Bank had a glitch where checks could be deposited and the FULL funds could be automatically withdrawn right away with absolutely no holding period."

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"Mammie, looks at de money I and I gots here in my hideous handbag...see? It be full and it all be FREE!"

Karen smiled and blushed at having put one over on The Man.

"Dem peoples a' Tik Tok showed me, it be easy."

"Now chile, dere be no such thing as free money, dontcha knows 'dat?"

"What dey gonna do, mammie, t'row me in jail? Nah, it be a fraud and ain't no jail for fraud...you see how Trump, he frauded New York and he be free and now Trump, he be de president...maybe I and I should be de next president. 'Dis fraud stuff, it be easy, I and I think dat I and I gonna fraud allatime now. Trump he show me it be de new "Merican Way."

Karen used some or her new-found wealth to limo over to Hialeah Park casino where for twenty hours straight she gambled like a whirling dervish: up, down; slots, routette, bingo, keno: and then: POOF, all gone.

She took the bus home and told her mammie "Dem games, dey mus' be rigged, how'd I and I lose it all?"

"How much did you lose, chile?"

"$291,000.00."

Mammie's dentures fell out of her disbelieving mouth and landed on a stubborn shit stain on the kitchen floor.

"You had 'dat kinda moneys and you blew it in de casino? Why didn't you saves some, use it to get us out o' dis here ghetto?"

"Now mammie, dis setback it be temp-rary. I and I is gonna contact my casino friends and gets me some more loans, 'den fraud dem too; t'ings will be fine, you'll see..."

A rap on the door: "Yes?"

"Are you Karen McIntasha?"

Tasha smiled, blushed, and then shook hands: "'Dat be me."

She was handed papers: "You've been served."

thirty minutes later having squatted and made her daily deposit on the kitchen floor Karen said "Look mammie, dem white devils dey gives me dis here toilet papers fo' free"...and with that she wiped her ass with the summons and complaint.

"Is 'dis a great country or what?"