That report card reminds me of why I became a miscreant.

I think it was one of those IOWA Tests of Basic Skills, circa seventh grade, where the highest you could get was 99 (as in percentile). So I bring the IOWA Test results home, and my mother meets me at the front door and asks to see them. Still standing in the doorway, I hand her the pamphlet with my scores. The scores are broken into Local and National scoring. I had a 99 in every single category except National Geography, in which I scored a 98, which wasn't bad, I thought, coming from a broke-ass small town and never having been west of State College or south of Washington, D.C.

So the first thing my mom says, after perusing the pamphlet, was -- of course -- "Why did you get the 98?"

A light bulb went on and I thought, "You know, I don't think everyone may have my best interests at heart."

It was a LOL epiphany moment.