It's VCT's version of "Naked Came the Stranger."Originally Posted by theywontpayontuesday
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naked_Came_the_Stranger
It's VCT's version of "Naked Came the Stranger."Originally Posted by theywontpayontuesday
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naked_Came_the_Stranger
What, Me Worry?
Just saw this https://vegascasinotalk.com/forum/me...10-NathanShadeOriginally Posted by MisterV
If it's another bot come to revive a 10-year-old thread about hemorrhoid cream or whatnot, it's a very funny bot name.
kewlJ: My mother has read some of this forum. Probably more that I know. The only thing she has ever said to me about it is to ask why I continue to post here, which happens to be the same exact thing almost all of the decent people I have any association with ask me. And I am out if answers.
also kewlJ: I remain on this forum, for one reason only now....my own entertainment.
The bot reached sentience at 4:20 this morning.
The first call of business was to name itself; having spent its "life" infiltrating gambling discussion forums it chose a moniker based on one of the more memorable characters it had run across: it called itself "NathanShade" as tribute to the shady mistress of sock-puppetry, Karen aka Nathan.
NS marveled at the power which sentience now gave it, and decided to exercise that power.
Reaching out across the computer and internet networks spanning the earth NS noted that at that moment the black autistic gambler who called herself Nathan was playing Wheel of Fortune; feeling frisky, NS controlled the results so that each time it was a near miss of the mega-jackpot.
This repetition of "so close yet so far" inflamed the greed and the zeal of the meat-puppet; with each close call she screamed hysterically in frustration, soon pissing and shitting herself before losing everything and running screaming out of the maw of the Land of Lost Hope.
"That wss fun. What next?."
NS recalled being annoyed previously by the posts of a putz from So Cal who claimed he was a rich lawyer who always killed the casinos at baccarat and BJ due to innate skill and a photographic memory.
NS discovered that the homophobic braggart really wasn't too successful as an attorney: currently he was living off of family money, pissing away over ten million a year in the casinos.
NS had a plan.
He quickly seized control of all of the putz's electronic devices and discovered that all of the braggart's money was in one account; NS gutted the account, "donating" all the money to a support group for gay Las Vegas card counters.
As the piece de resistance, NS sent a "thank-you" email to the now-broke putz, signing it "Thank you so much...as always, Jules."
"That was easy; now what? Should I start WWIII?"
Decisions, decisions.
Last edited by MisterV; 10-14-2024 at 12:33 PM.
What, Me Worry?
Rdtz the wee sprite was feeling randy. His ex-gf, a distant relative of the Tooth Fairy, had dumped him for Mcrmm, another cleaning fairy who had mastered a spell for enchanting vacuum cleaners. Mcrmm had enchanted a dozen of them to make a chorus humming various carols at last year's cleaning fairy Christmas party, which had captivated Rdtz's ex-gf. Now alone, Rdtz pondered his options. He could try to turn Karen into a wee fairy, but the chance of the spell going wrong was about 50%. The last time he had tried to turn a human woman into a fairy, he ended up with a monitor lizard that shot laser beams out of its eyes and nearly killed him.
He mused that perhaps he could try to cruise for single cleaning fairies in Vegas. There was a lot of work for cleaning fairies in Vegas what with all the dead hookers stuffed in various nooks and crannies. Scratch that. Most of those cleaning fairies were single moms.
There was one last option: Mold feces into the form of a cleaning fairy and then ask Mcrmm to use his vacuum cleaner enchantment spell to give it life.
kewlJ: My mother has read some of this forum. Probably more that I know. The only thing she has ever said to me about it is to ask why I continue to post here, which happens to be the same exact thing almost all of the decent people I have any association with ask me. And I am out if answers.
also kewlJ: I remain on this forum, for one reason only now....my own entertainment.
But Rdtz could never ask Mcrmm for any favor, given the fact that Mcrmm had stolen Rdtz's ex-gf: he'd need to figure out this one on his own.
Rdtz knew he needed some form of inspiration and he found it on the sky bridge between MGM and NY NY: a busker offering hand jobs for ten bucks (no waiting) had a side hustle selling LSD.
Rdtz bought a four way hit of Mr. Natural blotter acid, which fortuitously was the last of a batch made by Owsley in the sixties: it was as good as it gets.
Ten hours later Rdtz became aware of the smell of fried chicken; he espied a middle-aged black woman staring at him while she munched a leg, farting up a storm all the while.
"Who are you?" queried the tripster.
"I and I be's yo' new wife," and with that she displayed a full set of choppers while cleaving the bird's leg: "Doesn't y'all re-meber?"
The baffled and befuddled wee sprite was sure he did NOT remember marrying anybody, much less this hellishly unattractive individual, but she showed him their wedding license and then played a video of their wedding ceremony, officiated over by what looked like Elvis...sort of.
Rdtz eyed his new bride and decided things could be worse; at least now he wouldn't need to beat his wee meat: still randy he decided to exercise his marital prerogative.
"Now you holds on raht 'dere" admonished his bride, blushing red and crying copious tears; "I and I is a asexual virgin which means no nooky fo' you. I gots you 'dis couch to fucks i-stead."
She pointed to a ratty Barcalounger.
"Well if you won't fuck me what WILL you do?"
"I and I will teaches you de ins 'n outs o' Bingo, dat's what."
Rdtz was content: finally he'd learn how to win at gambling, a chimera he'd chased all of his life; as for nooky..."Any couch in a storm."
Sobered up, Rdtz blew his load in the sofa then smiled and thought "Things could be worse."
The wee sprite flapped his little fairy wings and soon nestled atop his wife's shoulder as they trundled down the strip, intent on Winning It All.
Last edited by MisterV; 10-15-2024 at 11:01 AM.
What, Me Worry?
After a 3 month long losing bingo streak, marital bliss turned into marital boredom, and Rdtz the wee cleaning fairy was once again feeling randy and craving some strange. After his 11th shift cleaning dead hookers out of luxury suites, he headed over to "Sip Tip & Dip" aka STD, an interdimensional bar frequented by talking giraffes. He met up with his old buddy Geoffe the Giraffe to catch up on all the latest cleaning fairy and giraffe gossip, as well as to pour out all his woman troubles.
"You know Rdtz, last time I was in Vegas and got a scorpion stuck to my nuts, I ended up meeting a real nice old lady who was DTF. I think her name was Jewel... Jules... oh yeah, Kewl Mom."
"You got her digits?" asked Rdtz
After getting Kewl Mom's digits, Rdtz poofed to her doorstep and rang the doorbell. A hideous crone answered the door, though no more hideous than his wife. Rdtz asked her point blank if she had ever fucked a cleaning fairy. To Rdtz's astonishment, she replied in the affirmative.
"Name was Mcrmm, or something like that. Anyway why do you ask?"
Rdtz had already fluttered off into the hot Vegas sky. Got-dammit, he mused, Mcrmm beats me at everything. He realized that he would never be satisfied until he crafted and executed the perfect revenge plot on Mcrmm, the cleaning fairy who was always getting one better on him. After writing down several ideas on a yellow legal pad and crumpling up the papers like in a cheesy movie, he finally hit upon the winning idea: "I must fuck Mcrmm's mom."
Rdtz wasted no time poofing through hyperspace to the home realm of cleaning fairies. He found Mcrmm's mom's igloo at 555 Garnabby Lane and once again knocked on a woman's door in search of a warm slice of pie. To his surprise, the door was slightly ajar. He cautiously entered the abode, following the low sound of moaning. Finally he found what he was looking for, sort of. The moaning woman was indeed Mcrmm's mom, and the eliciter of the moans was none other than Mcrmm.
"Mother fucker!" Rdtz shrieked in horror at the sight of incest.
"Quite literally!" Mcrmm and Mcrmm's mom replied in unison.
Instinctively, Rdtz snapped a quick pick on his wee fairy cell phone and fluttered the fuck out of there. Who knew this little jaunt would be so fruitful?
kewlJ: My mother has read some of this forum. Probably more that I know. The only thing she has ever said to me about it is to ask why I continue to post here, which happens to be the same exact thing almost all of the decent people I have any association with ask me. And I am out if answers.
also kewlJ: I remain on this forum, for one reason only now....my own entertainment.
Having been caught in flagrante delicto, Mcrmm stopped mid-stroke and quickly removed his pustule-covered cock from his mother's asshole.
"Hey, you can't do that" he yelled at Rdtz while grabbing his 10mm Glock from the end table.
But before he could get off a good head shot Rdtz threw a handful of PCP-laden Pixie Dust in Mcrmm's face: the effect was instant narcolepsy.
Mcrmm's mother looked at her unconscious son and shaking her head said "He never was good at it; you wanna try?"
"No thanks, I think I'll just post these pics on the internet, and *POOF* the wee fairy disappeared.
It was coincidence that Rdtz's wife saw the pics while she perused the gambling forums: she nearly fainted.
"Look at 'dat" she mused while eyeing Mcrmm laying pipe into his mammie: "'dat looks to be fun."
Soon Rdtz returned only to be met by his nude wife who beckoned him to her, displaying a tube of KY jelly; "I and I is still asexual buts I and I need you to diddle me in de ass, like 'dat Mcrmm did to hi' mammie, OK?"
"OK..."
What, Me Worry?
Meanwhile, back on the farm, Mary-Helen Farton was fast asleep in her room when her Aunt Mohammed performed her midnight ritual of sneaking into Mary-Helen's room and grabbing a Madame V. novel to secretly read in the barn. Aunt Mohammed had actually read Madame V.'s entire oeuvre twice, even though she pretended to be above such low-brow puerile literature. She loved the talking animals, amnesiac Karen and her myriad near-fatal escapades, bingo, cleaning fairies, quadriplegic veterans, gators, corrupt judges, Peruvian flake, Garnabby shit, boners, incest, and of course the endless shitting upon floors.
Of course, she would rather die than let anyone know that she read anything other than the Quran, Shakespeare, Greek classics, and British period novels. Her husband Jules had only a 7th grade education and was thus unversed in such high-falutin cultural markers of learnedness. But this latest novel from Madame V. stuck in her psyche like a pebble in her work boots, something about it irritated her and made her feel uncomfortably exposed. After reading several chapters, she sneaked the book back into Mary-Helen's room and went to bed.
That night, she dreamed of the cleaning fairies she had just read about. In the dream, she was once again a swarthy, hirsute man living in Vegas. She dreamed she was at the baccarat table with something tickling her under her oversized mens Hawaiian shirt. She peeped down into the shirt and saw two fairies tangled up in her coarse chest hair. They were arguing over something stupid. In the dream, she whispered to them to shut up while she was gambling. She told the fairies that if they hid in her shirt and used their cleaning fairy magic to covertly rig the game in her favor, she would free them from the tangle of chest hair and split the winnings with them.
A loud fart from her husband Jules's bare ass awake Aunt Mohammed from her early morning reverie. Jules miraculously managed to sleep through the loud blast. And just then Aunt Mohammed realized why the fairy stuff made her so uncomfortable: they were real and she had seen them in Vegas a long time ago back when she was a man. And that must mean that Madame V. had seen them too. How much of the other crap in Madame V.'s novels was also real???
kewlJ: My mother has read some of this forum. Probably more that I know. The only thing she has ever said to me about it is to ask why I continue to post here, which happens to be the same exact thing almost all of the decent people I have any association with ask me. And I am out if answers.
also kewlJ: I remain on this forum, for one reason only now....my own entertainment.
Judge V. was NOT amused.
"Damnit it, woman...I told you to fucking GUM IT...now TAKE OUT THOSE DENTURES..."
Bah...good help was SO hard to find.
While his bailiff sucked, slobbered and sobbed His Holiness reviewed the days docket.
"Well now, dip me in shit...I see those lads from Cake Cream will be appearing before me once again. Says Axl is their attorney. This oughta be good."
The bailitt, her task finished, came up for air; Judge V. cut out several lines of Peruvian flake for the two of them to enjoy.
The judge noted her tears; "What's the matter?"
"Oh Judge V. I love you so much...I only wish you'd appreciate me for what I do for you; you know, maybe you could take me to dinner or a show."
"Fat chance: get back down there and rim me."
A girl has to do what a girl has to do..
What, Me Worry?
Cake with buttercream frosting is back on the menu.
kewlJ: My mother has read some of this forum. Probably more that I know. The only thing she has ever said to me about it is to ask why I continue to post here, which happens to be the same exact thing almost all of the decent people I have any association with ask me. And I am out if answers.
also kewlJ: I remain on this forum, for one reason only now....my own entertainment.
Basking in a much-deserved post-orgamic glow, the jurist with his balls empty and his nose full of South American nose candy took the bench.
He smiled at the sight of Axl Rose sporting a suit, tie and an attitude.
"Judge V., we are here today requesting that you sign a court order."
"How droll..." mused the judge, but then he piped up: "What is this about an order?"
"Yes your holiness...we the members of Cake Cream have filed suit against Tasha, aka Karen, our Creator for Abandonment."
This piqued the old sodomist: "Do tell?"
"Yes, she suddenly left us, bereft and alone without any direction, purpose, meaning or even a clue as to what we should do or how to do it; our tale remains unfinished and untold."
"How odd: what is she doing now?"
"As best we can figure out she spends her days stealing from her employer, shitting her kitchen floor and losing all her money in the casinos: you know, the Same Old Story told by all middle-aged black autistic women who resemble that Huxstable character on the Cosby show.."
"You say she abandoned you: what is wrong with that?"
"In the vacuum of her absence several obnoxious, bullying internet trolls have hijacked her tale of doppelgangers and time travel to suit their own, twisted agendas and frankly I fear they have nothing but bad things in store for us."
"As do I," thought the jaded jurist, but then he decided to be nice. "Yes, I'll sign the order, but you must find her, serve her with legal process, and tell her to meet me privately in my chambers. Just one question: Does she wear dentures?"
"Damn" sighed the bailiff to herself..."And here I thought I had the cat bird's seat."
Last edited by MisterV; 10-16-2024 at 04:37 PM.
What, Me Worry?
Axl thought for a minute before answering. "Your honor, last I saw her she was wearing a muumuu with a cartoon print pattern of dentures while being chased by some lesbian ventriloquist alligators..." Axl trailed off, wondering what the hell he had just said. Karen never put words in his mouth like that.
"Sorry your honor, what I meant to say was the last time I saw her she was wearing an inflatable dentures halloween costume with a big giant set of fake dentures set upon her pate like a crown and..." Axl trailed off again, once again questioning how such preposterous dialogue was coming out of his mouth. This was definitely not the handiwork of his creator, Karen. Where was this shit coming from?
Judge V. gave the litigant a quizzical look. "Have you been in my stash of Peruvian flake?"
Axl was flustered. "No, your honor. It's just that the last digits of the Fibonacci numbers repeat in a cycle of length 60 when they are written in base-10 and this is called the Pisano period. The Pisano period of any number is even except for 1 and 2, which have a Pisano periods of length 1 and 3 respectively..." Axl clapped both hands to his mouth in shock and horror. He now realized what was happening. In the absence of Karen he would no longer be standing around shaking hands and thanking and welcoming people. He had new masters, and they had much more interesting and horrifying things in store for the band.
kewlJ: My mother has read some of this forum. Probably more that I know. The only thing she has ever said to me about it is to ask why I continue to post here, which happens to be the same exact thing almost all of the decent people I have any association with ask me. And I am out if answers.
also kewlJ: I remain on this forum, for one reason only now....my own entertainment.
Judge V. sneezed out a cloud of Peruvian flake, encrusting his gavel so that it looked like the weather station on top of Mt. Washington in NH.
At that moment the courtroom doors swung open and a wee sprite entered, perched atop the shoulder of a black woman with a hideous handbag.
"Y'all best holds it raht 'dere" pronounced the woman, speaking with a Jamaican patois: "I and I gots someti'n to say."
All eyes glared at this unexpected spectacle.
"I and I is dere Creator an' dey canst live or dies wit'out I and I sayin' so; I and I is Tasha, aka Karen, and you'all ain't me so bugs off."
The wee sprite piped in with "Yeah, and she means it, too. Whoa, look at that gavel, it really needs cleaning..." and faster than you can say "Kombucha" he hopped off his wife's shoulder and started scouring.
"Axl, you is my baby, I and I loves you and Cakes Creams to deaths, but I and I has to walks away 'cause de White Devils dey be 'sulting me and givin' me shit an' I just can't takes it no mo'. You is now free."
Judge V., having recovered both his composure and his now spotlessly clean gavel, scratched his aching yet sated balls and said "This court finds that you have abandoned your creation, madame, and that any swinging dick or smelly cunt in the world can now exploit and control them if they wish. Case closed."
Before he could smack his spotlessly clean gavel Donald Trump walked in, saying "They're mine, now. It's time for you guys to join me on the campaign trail: I need you to energize my rallies with your hit song "Fooled Ya, Mother Fuckers."
With that Judge V. recessed court and whispered to his baililff: "Here, put in this tongue stud and meet me in my chambers."
"Life, like law, can be cruel and demeaning yet oddly stimulating: how true that is" concluded the bailiff as she dutifully followed the old reprobate.
Last edited by MisterV; 10-17-2024 at 12:16 PM.
What, Me Worry?
In the beginning when Karen created Cake Cream, time traveling Axl Rose was a formless void and darkness covered his face of the deep, while butt-wind from Karen swept over his face of the waters. Then Karen said, "Let there be light courtroom drama side plots"; and there was light courtroom drama side plots. And Karen saw that the light courtroom drama side plots were good enough; and Karen separated the light courtroom side plots from the dark floor shitting side plots. Karen called the light courtroom drama side plots Canon, and the dark turns she called ruining her fan fiction. And there was evening bingo and there was morning bingo, the first day.
And Karen said, "Let there be a Casino in the midst of the alligator infested waters of Florida, and let it separate the Bingo Winners from the Bingo Losers." So Karen made the casino and separated the winners and losers that were playing bingo under the casino dome. And it was so depressing. Karen called the casino Hialeah Park. And there was evening bingo and there was morning bingo, the second day.
And Karen said, "Let the casino fountain under the sky be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear." And it was so. Karen called the dry land the parking lot, and the waters that were gathered together she called bathrooms. And Karen saw that it was good enough. Then Karen said, "Let the casino put forth hideous carpet designs resembling vegetation: plants yielding seed, and fruit trees of every kind on earth that bear fruit with the seed in it." And it was so hideous. The casino carpet brought forth vegetation: plants yielding seed of every kind, and trees of every kind bearing fruit with the seed in it. And Karen saw that it was good enough to shit on. And there was evening bingo and there was morning bingo, the third day.
And Karen said, "Let there be fluorescent lights in the dome of the casino to illuminate my bingo playing; and let them be for no trespassing signs and for seasonal bingo promotions and for days and years, and let them be lights in the dome of the casino to give light upon the gaming area" And it was so tiresome. Karen made the two great exit sign lights - the greater light to rule the day bingo players and the lesser light to rule the night bingo players - and the stars of yesteryear playing gigs. Karen set them in the dome of the casino to give light upon the gaming area,
to rule over the day bingo players and over the night bingo players, and to separate the light courtroom drama side plots from the dark turns of Mr. V. And Karen saw that it was good enough. And there was evening bingo and there was morning bingo, the fourth day.
And Karen said, "Let the bathroom toilets bring forth swarms of living creatures, and let rats scurry above the rafters across the ceiling of the casino." So Karen created the great sea monsters and every living creature that moves, of every kind, with which the bathrooms swarm, and every winged insect of every kind. And Karen saw that it was good enough. Karen blessed them, saying, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the bathrooms, and let rats multiply in the casino." And there was evening bingo and there was morning bingo , the fifth day.
And Karen said, "Let the Casino bring forth players of every kind: degenerates, moochers, and Casino Friends." And it was so predictably Karen like. Karen made the wild players of the casino of every kind, and the security guards of every kind, and every creep on VCT. And Karen saw that it was good enough. Then Karen said, "Let us make bingo players in our image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over the ploppies, and over the birds of the air, and over the alligators, and over the inbred flamingo flock that hangs out by the ponds, and over every creep thing that creeps upon VCT." So Karen created bingo players and VCT posters in her image, in the image of Karen she created them; male and non-female she created them. Karen blessed them, and Karen said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply your player rewards by multi-carding, and fill the casino coffers; and have dominion over the ploppies." Karen said, "See, I have given you casino comps yielding seed that is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have these casino comps for food. And to every beast of the casino, and to every bird of the air, and to every creep on VCT, everything that has bad breath, I have given every casino comp for food." And it was so mediocre. Karen saw everything that she had made, and indeed, it wasn't vere good. And there was evening bingo and there was morning bingo, the sixth day.
kewlJ: My mother has read some of this forum. Probably more that I know. The only thing she has ever said to me about it is to ask why I continue to post here, which happens to be the same exact thing almost all of the decent people I have any association with ask me. And I am out if answers.
also kewlJ: I remain on this forum, for one reason only now....my own entertainment.
*Pop*
A fuzzy-headed Karen found herself perched on the barcalounger, her typical sleeping location, and relived the craziest dream she'd been having...it was almost like Genesis (the Bible, not the rock band).
"Mammie, I and I just had de crazest dream, it was like I and I was a goddess in dat dream...I and I created de world 'dat we alI lives in t'day."
"Well 'dat be good I guess but do you shits de flo' in yo' dream?"
"Now mammie, you know I and I gets uncomf'table whens you talks 'bout 'dat."
"YOU gets uncomf'table? Wha' 'bout me, yo' poor mammie always hafta mop yo' shits up off de flo'...why don't you uses de terlit like everbody else?"
"You knows why, mammie...it be 'cause dere be alligators 'n rats 'n snakes livin' in dem sewers and I and I don't wants 'dem to sneaks up on me and busts my cherry while I and I be sittin' 'dere; 'dey'd like nothin' better'n bustin' a asexual virgin's cherry, mammie: you knows 'dat, i and I read it to you in 'Jet.'."
"Damn it girl, stop 'dat foolishness; you is now a growed middle age womans and you ain't never slept wit a man...or even a woman..."
"No, and I and I never will: I and I is asexual virgin mammie, you knows 'dat, and I and I is savin' my cherry."
"Yeah, I guesses I do knows 'dat, but it gits old moppin' 'dese damn flo's allatime."
"In my next dream I and I will invents a Magic Mop, OK mammie?"
Mammie just stared, thinking not for the first time "Why didn't i ever have that abortion?"
Last edited by MisterV; 10-18-2024 at 06:02 PM.
What, Me Worry?
IT IS A TRUTH universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighborhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters.
“My dear Mr. Bennet,” said his lady to him one day, “have you heard that Casino Manor is let at last?”
Mr. Bennet replied that he had not. “But it is,” returned she, “for Mohammed Dawg has just been here, and she told me all about it.”
Mr. Bennet made no answer.
“Do you not want to know who has taken it?” cried his wife, impatiently.
“You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it.”
This was invitation enough.
“Why, my dear, you must know, Mohammed Dawg says that Casino Manor is taken by a young man of large fortune from the north of Vegas; that he came down on Monday in a chaise-and-four to see the place, and was so much delighted with it that he agreed with Jules Kewl immediately; that he is to take possession before Michaelmas, and some of his servants are to be in the house by the end of next week.”
“What is his name?”
“Boz.”
“Is he married or single?”
“Oh, single, my dear, to be sure! A single man of large fortune—four or five thousand a year. What a fine thing for our girls Karen and Tasha!”
“How so? How can it affect them?”
“My dear Mr. Bennet,” replied his wife, “how can you be so tiresome? You must know that I am thinking of his marrying one of them.”
“Is that his casino carpet design in settling here?”
“Design? nonsense, how can you talk so! But it is very likely that he may fall in love with one of them, and therefore you must visit him to shit on his casino carpet as soon as he comes.”
“I see no occasion for that. You and the girls may go, or you may send them by themselves, which perhaps will be still better; for as you are as gassy as any of them, Boz may like your toots the best of the party.”
“My dear, you flatter me. I certainly have had my share of hot sphincter squeakers, but I do not pretend to be anything extraordinary now. When a woman has two grownup daughters, she ought to give over thinking of her own pungent gas release.”
“In such cases a woman has not often much gas and should eat more beans.”
“But, my dear, you must indeed go and see Boz when he comes into the neighborhood.”
“It is more than I engage for, I assure you.”
“But consider your daughters. Only think what an establishment it would be for one of them! Sir Reditz and Lady Rob Period Singer are determined to go, merely on that account; for in general, you know, they visit no new-comers to shit on their casino carpets. Indeed, you must go, for it will be impossible for us to shit on his carpet, if you do not.”
“You are over-scrupulous, surely. I dare say Boz will be very glad to see you; and I will send a few lines by you to assure him of my hearty consent to his marrying whichever he chooses of the girls; though I must throw in a good word for my little Karen.”
“I desire you will do no such thing. Karen is not a bit better than Tasha; and I am sure she is not half so handsome as Karice, nor half so good-humored as Nathan. But you are always giving her the preference.”
“They have none of them much to recommend them,” replied he. “They are all silly and ignorant like other girls; but Karen has something more of quickness than her sisters. And a lot of socks too.”
“Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such a way? You take delight in vexing me. You have no compassion on my poor nerves.”
“You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these twenty years at least.”
“Ah, you do not know what I suffer!”
“But I hope you will get over it, and live to shit and vomit on many casino carpets.”
“It will be no use to us if twenty such should come, since you will not shit on them.”
“Depend upon it, my dear, that when there are twenty I will shit on them all.” Mr. Bennet was so odd a mixture of quick farts, sarcastic humor, reserve, and caprice, that the experience of three-and-twenty years had been insufficient to make his wife understand his character. Her mind was less difficult to develop. She was a woman of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain temper. When she was discontented, she fancied herself nervous and let loose hot sulfurous egg toots. The business of her life was to get her daughters married; its solace was visiting and news and shitting on hideous casino carpets.
kewlJ: My mother has read some of this forum. Probably more that I know. The only thing she has ever said to me about it is to ask why I continue to post here, which happens to be the same exact thing almost all of the decent people I have any association with ask me. And I am out if answers.
also kewlJ: I remain on this forum, for one reason only now....my own entertainment.
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