Gamblin' Gal...KAREN

[pinchingyourballs]

One fine summer evening, Karen Kentry's mother treated herself to a lottery ticket after a hard day's work shoveling elephant dung at the zoo. The powerball drawing was up to $999 million and she dreamed of everything she could buy and do with such a sum. T'was only idle daydreaming, because the odds were longer than an elephant turd. She waited until her daughter was asleep before checking her numbers. To her shock and amazement, she matched all six. Upon realizing that she was free at last, she quickly woke up her daughter.

"Get up, get up, I won, girl! I won!"

"What'd you win Mammie? Bingo? Whyn't you wake me to play Bingo with you? You know I love shitting on that casino carpet."

"Pack a bag girl, I won the Powerball. I'm a $999 millionaire now!"

"Wow, where are we going? Tahiti? Hawaii? South of France?"

"We? We ain't going nowhere. You is. Bye!"

[pinchingyourballs]

By the way, what's with the "I and I" stuff?

[MisterV]

By the way, what's with the "I and I" stuff?

see: https://www.quora.com/What-do-Rastaf...ean-by-I-and-I

[MisterV]

"The taste of bananas REPULSES me. ���� A Coworker asked me why I never bought or ate bananas(Bananas are a top seller with Customers and staff alike. ��) and I replied,"I have a strong aversion to bananas, and she let the matter drop. �� I honestly assume she thinks I meant that I was ALLERGIC to bananas, (Not ALLERGIC, just a VERY strong aversion to bananas. �� I will not be buying bananas or eating them. ��"

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Knock knock.

"Who be you?"

"We're the Internet Police and we have a warrant for your arrest. Come with us."

Before she could say "But..." she was cuffed, ragged and dragged away to a secret location, leaving Mammie to heave a sigh of thanks for removing her bane; "Now maybe I can finally relax" she thought while guzzling a fifth of vodka.

Tasha was brought before Judge V. for disposition.

"Well now" leered the jaundiced jurist, coke spoon in one hand, gavel in the other: "You stand accused of stupidity, cupidity, tomfoolery and abject idiocy; how do you plead?"

"I and I is not guilty your honors."

"Yes, you are guilty. Take her away and exile her to Bogey-Land."

Tasha shit her britches at that: "No, not Bogey-Land!"

She was well and truly fucked if they're going to toss her over the Wall into Bogey-Land and she knew it.

There were no appeals possible; she was taken to the Wall, her hands lashed to her side, and clumps of bananas were festooned to her body; she recalled that Bogey's became sexually aroused and rapine when presented with this fruit.

"Dem Bogey-devils, dey loves dese here 'nanas" she mused, stifling tears as she was exiled across the Wall, "I and I might not still be a asexual virgin soon.".

It wasn't long until the Bogey's appeared led by the man she'd thought was her true savior and casino friend.

[MisterV]

So, a surveillance camera video shows a Cashier being robbed at gunpoint, and the Cashier and the Robber are SMILING and LAUGHING WITH each other and chatting amicably as the Cashier gives the money to the robber . People suspected that the Cashier and the Robber were in on it together. It turns out that, no, the Robbery was 100 percent real and the Cashier and the Robber were not in it together! �� It REALLY was one of the strangest Robbery videos I have ever seen. ��*�� For contrast, MY Walgreens Robbery training video has the Cashier being threatened at gunpoint looking TERRIFIED, not laughing, smiling, and chatting amicably with the Robber. ��

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Karen McIntasha rang up three boxes of XXL Depends and sighed: "Why isn't I and I in de casino gamblin'? Why must I and I work? Man, I and I is hongry."

She espied a man entering, wearing a Guns 'n Roses T-shirt; he approached her and pulled a gun: "Gimme all your money."

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, Karen asked "Why? You wanna gamble too?"

This non-plussed the young man; "No, this is a robbery."

"Wait, how can you rob me when you are wearing a Guns 'n Roses T-shirt? What would Axel say?"

"Fuck that gay time travelling doppelganger; open the til and give me all the money."

"Are you sure? That's a crime ya know...do you really want to go to jail?" Karen smiled.

The gent guffawed and said "Nah, I really don't want to go to jail...maybe you're right, maybe I shouldn't rob you." He smiled.

Karen smiled then shook his hand, saying "I and I likes you. Wanna go gets some chicken? I and I goes on break in five minutes."

"Will you buy? I'm a bit tapped out now."

"OK."

And that's how Karen met the man who finally enabled her to remove the label of "asexual virgin."

[niren736]

Karen's whole vibe is very wild honestly, but in a very genius way, imho. What other could make a robbery a casual chat and bonded over chicken? Almost like her weird confidence sort of takes the weirdness and stress out of things, even if it’s the most ridiculous things.

[MisterV]

" I JUST might be thinking of asking for more loans, but I thought,"Girl stick to your principles and morals that asking for loans should be a ONE TIME thing, and stay strong. Don't ask for any more loans." ... Chase Bank has filed a few lawsuits against People who committed MAJOR CHECK FRAUD against Chase Bank in late August.In late August, Chase Bank had a glitch where checks could be deposited and the FULL funds could be automatically withdrawn right away with absolutely no holding period."

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"Mammie, looks at de money I and I gots here in my hideous handbag...see? It be full and it all be FREE!"

Karen smiled and blushed at having put one over on The Man.

"Dem peoples a' Tik Tok showed me, it be easy."

"Now chile, dere be no such thing as free money, dontcha knows 'dat?"

"What dey gonna do, mammie, t'row me in jail? Nah, it be a fraud and ain't no jail for fraud...you see how Trump, he frauded New York and he be free and now Trump, he be de president...maybe I and I should be de next president. 'Dis fraud stuff, it be easy, I and I think dat I and I gonna fraud allatime now. Trump he show me it be de new "Merican Way."

Karen used some or her new-found wealth to limo over to Hialeah Park casino where for twenty hours straight she gambled like a whirling dervish: up, down; slots, routette, bingo, keno: and then: POOF, all gone.

She took the bus home and told her mammie "Dem games, dey mus' be rigged, how'd I and I lose it all?"

"How much did you lose, chile?"

"$291,000.00."

Mammie's dentures fell out of her disbelieving mouth and landed on a stubborn shit stain on the kitchen floor.

"You had 'dat kinda moneys and you blew it in de casino? Why didn't you saves some, use it to get us out o' dis here ghetto?"

"Now mammie, dis setback it be temp-rary. I and I is gonna contact my casino friends and gets me some more loans, 'den fraud dem too; t'ings will be fine, you'll see..."

A rap on the door: "Yes?"

"Are you Karen McIntasha?"

Tasha smiled, blushed, and then shook hands: "'Dat be me."

She was handed papers: "You've been served."

thirty minutes later having squatted and made her daily deposit on the kitchen floor Karen said "Look mammie, dem white devils dey gives me dis here toilet papers fo' free"...and with that she wiped her ass with the summons and complaint.

"Is 'dis a great country or what?"

[MisterV]

On Reddit, a Poster showed a picture of her Chunky Monkey from Ben And Jerry's, and her Chunky Monkey had no nuts or chocolate chunks, just banana ice cream. Posters were saying stuff like,"The Monkey monkeyed with the Chunky Monkey and gave you just the Monkey! ���� "The Chunky Monkey went on a diet!" ���� The Monkey STOLE the chocolate chunks and the nuts! Bad Monkey!" ����

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Karen McIntasha squatted as usual for her morning ablutions and defecated on the scarred linoleum kitchen floor of her Miami tenement.

She felt ebullient at the praise she'd received from her attorney "forum friend" in exchange for backing him up: she'd finally arrived at VCT, she was a real and powerful "player" now in the hallowed arena of VCT forum politics.

Scanning her digested remains she yelled "Mammie, mammie, gets over here."

"What be it now, chile?"

"All dem chocolate chunks and de nuts, too, 'dat be in 'dat Monkey i-cream I and I eats allla time...dey be GONE."

Familiar by now with her daughters faulty logic and lack of powers of discernment, Mammie fell back on her patented response: "Dat mus be de will o' god."

"No, it be somethin' else...I and I thinks it be my innner-net enemies doing it long distance; I and I needs protection."

With that she grabbed a roll of aluminum foil and created a "pilgrim's cap" which she donned while keyboarding.

"Dem white devils, dey caint c-trol me now."

Tasha wolfed down a box of Chunky Monkey, belched, and said "What a good girl am I and I."

[MisterV]

One of my local Casinos pulled a last SECOND promotion cancellation when we Players were ALREADY there waiting for the Promotion to start and baffled on why the Promotion didn't start. Player's Club Staff said that the Promotion was cancelled last SECOND because they were rearranging Slot machines.

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Karen McIntasha robotically pushed the button on her chosen slot, hoping and praying for a true miracle: the gambling gods had been cruel recently and she was being destroyed.

She convinced a senile old lady in the next seat to "loan" her $100 so she could still participate in the oh so important slot tournament which was about to begin.

She'd pissed away the rent money, the grocery money, and even her emergency stash:a five dollar bill; disgusted with the horrible downward spiral which her gambling and internet addictions were causing her she experienced that oh so familiar feeling in her gut.

As was her wont, Karen eschewed modern plumbing, believing its use imparted "bad Ju-Ju:" she preferred "au natural."

Seeking immediate relief she stood between two slot machines and blithely dropped a messy deuce; soon players were groaning about the stench; a slot tech came by, espied the problem and summoned the manager who upon inspection cancelled the slot tournament.

The cancellation outraged Karen; she got in the face of the mangager and demanded she be comped a chicken dinner for her troubles; alas the manager had viewed the taped images of Karen shitting on the tawdry casino carpet.

"But I and I can't helps it, I and I has med-cal and psycho-logic c'ditions what makes me do 'dat, I cannot helps myself. I and I knows de law and it say you has to give me commodations fo' my dis'bility."

No rookie, the manager said "Karen, you are correct...I'll be right back."

The manager soon returned and handed Karen a roll of toilet paper, saying "This is for you, and so is this..." handing Karen a written trespass warning, prohibiting the demented defecator from ever returning to the casino.

"Your outrage is noted: here's your "accomodation." Now get the FUCK OUT OF THIS CASINO AND NEVER COME BACK!"





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[MisterV]

"Kewlj, HOW do you get the idea that MDawg lied for seven months, when all that happened was that the about even was an accommodation to get the thread unhidden, that is, the untruth was only the "about even" statement, not the seven months of session reports?"

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"Look Mammie, see what I wrote? I and I is in da VCT Big Leagues now, de world it be my oyster."

"I don't know nothin' 'bout no oysters; I do know I'm damned sick and tired of you shittin' de kitchen flo'."

"Mammie, if'n I and I plays my cards right we'll soon be living in my man's seven figure Las Vegas mansion, and vacationing in his lakeside Tahoe mansion."

"What is 'dis mansion bullshit, chile? Ain't you figured out how dese white devils, dey just lie and bullshit to 'muse deyselves? Dey don't cares 'bout you."

"My VCT lawyer, I and I t'ink he be in loves wit me, mammie...he be de first man ever to treats me good."

"If'n 'dat be true, why is yo' ass still sittin' here in de ghetto?"

"I'm working on 'dat as we speak."

Karen McIntasha penned yet another "thought piece" for VCT, confident that a marriage proposal would soon follow.

"Mammie, should we's gets married in a church or at de cou'try club?"

"Girl, you is puttin' de cart befo de horse...wise up!"

"I and I is wise mammie, wiser than you know. I and I even knows dat a tomato it don't b'long in a fruit salad."

[MisterV]

Karen McIntaha howled with excitement upon reading the latest email from her attorney / casino friend.

"Mammie, dat rascal...he say hi' wife leaved him and he be lonely and he wants to fly me to come to he home to "wine and dine" me. I and I has never been to Lost Vegas mammie, it would be fun."

"Did de white devil say he pay for your ticket? You ain't got no money ya know."

"No, he say I and I has to find my own way 'dere, but dat be OK, I can takes da greyhound."

"Is dis dat white devil you talked about, de one wit a big mansion, da one what gambles all de time even tho he say he be a lawyer? How can he pull dat trick off?"

"Oh mammie, he be very smart and has a photograph mem-ry; he be a good catch."

"Girl, it be time you goes west, gets outa de ghetto, sees da world...and get yo-self well and truly fucked. Why you is still virgin at 40 is a mis-tree."

"Mammie, I ain't lettin' no man touch me down 'dere, uh uh, no how, no way...I and I is savin' myself fo' Jesus."

Mammie shook her head, thinking "Jesus, he don't wants no part o' her, bad news be bad news."

"When is you takin' de bus to dat place?"

"As soon as I can borrow money from casino friends, den I gonna frauds dem. I and I is so clever."

Karen deposited a celebratory load on the linoleum while humming Jingle Bells."

"'Tis de season to be jolly, mammie."

"How can your old mammie be jolly when I's always cleaning yo' shits up off'n de flo'/"

[MisterV]

"Does anybody remember exactly why Juicy Jennie got banned from WOV? She was a Member on WOV before I even knew what WOV was. IIRC, she borrowed money from WOV Members/Admins and ran off with the money, straight up STEALING it, so she got permanently banned. I remember her it being said that she called Casino chips chippies. Does anyone remember exactly what happened with the Juicy Jennie incident? I asked on WOV and got no answers, so I figured I would try here."

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"Mammie, I and I is gonna change my innernet handle to "Curvy Karen," what does you think 'bout 'dat?"

Her tired mother briefly stopped scrubbing the kitchen floor and said "I t'inks 'dat "Poopy Goldberg" or "Shitty Kitty" might be better."

"Be serious, mammie. Some woman she called herself "Juicy Jennie" and she frauded dem devils big time, I and I gots to learn how she did it. 'Dat be what dey calls "A'vantage Play.;"

"Chile, wise up. I am sure 'dat as wommens always do, she used dey cocks against 'em. If'n you wasn't a middle aged asexual virgin you'd have figured 'dat out by now."

"What 'chu mean, mammie?"

"It be easy as shoo-fly pie, chile. A man, he only innerested in squirtin' he man juice: all de rest o' it don't matter to him, he just say and do what he need to squirt. We womens uses our pussies, hands, mouths and someimes even our poop shoots to lure him in and to co'trol him. What, didn't you learn anyt'ing in healths class?"

But the would-be fraudster had tuned her long-suffering mother out; Karen sent our mass PM's to all of her forum friends seeking info on the mysterious "Juicy Jennie," intent as she was in following in her high heel prints.

"Dey say we peoples all needs a mentor: well, I and I has jus' found mine."

[MisterV]

"Kewlj is the BIGGEST liar in the history of VCT. Kewlj faked his own death for God's sake! Mdawg is VERY truthful and honest."

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"Mammie, do you sees what I and I wrote? 'Dat hound dog, he be sure to loves me now."

"He might love you more if'n you stopped shittin' de flo;."

"But mammie, he be one o' dem Arabs, you knows what dey is dontcha? Dey be only rung up over we black folk: t'ink "niggas in thobes and abayas."

"Girl, what be dem t'ings, dis 'thobes and abayas?' "

"Dat be de names o' de robes dem Arab rascals wears in de desert and when dey be gamblin' away all dere oil money in de Las Vegas casinos; I and I looked it up on de innernet so when he get here we has somethin' to talk 'bout: 'dat way I and I knows de name o' what he be wearin; when he comes to woo me. I and I needs to learn alls I and I can 'bout my future husband's culture."

Mammie looked down at the linoleum and wondered "How in de hell did 'dis shit stain wind up lookin' like de face o' Jesus?"

Meanwhile Karen hummed "Somewhere over the rainbow" while dreaming about how wonderful her new life will soon be: she smiled at the thought of living with her soon to be lover in his seven figure LV mansion and playing high limit baccarat for months on end.

"Mammie I and I needs to learns how to play dis here back-rat game; it be tougher 'dan bingo."

So much hope...so few clues...

[MisterV]

While crafting a PM to convince her "casino friends" to "loan" her some money "for unexpected medical bills," Karen heard what could best be described as a ruckus outside of her hovel.

"Mammie, goes and sees what's 'dat noise."

Mammie paused her constant scrubbing, thankful for the needed break: she looked out the window and espied the darndest thing.

"Chile, comes an' lookit 'dis."

"Jus' a minute, I and I needs to finish 'dis fraudin'."

Karen finished, hit "send" then peeked.

"What be 'dat aminal, mammie? It look kinda like a big fucked up horsey."

Mammie smiled: "'Dat be a camel: I knows 'cause he pitcher it be on de cover o' my cig-rets."

Awed by their first sight of the Ship Of The Desert, they were startled by a loud knock on the door, followed by ten non-stop rings of the bell.

"I and I'll gets it" yelped the fraudulent floor shitter; she opened the door and was greeted by a sight she'd NEVER be able to erase from her memory: it was HIM, he'd finally arrived, in full, splendid regalia.

[MisterV]

Karen smiled broadly after sending off her latest post to WoV.

"Mammie, dem devils, dey be fallin' all over deyselves in a minute, I and I has found de fraud loophole."

Mammie, half zoned out on cheap wine, said "Huh?"

"I and I has found de way ta make $28K in jus' one day. De trick is to get de greed bones o' dem white devils workin' for me, and I and I knows jus' de way."

Mammie passed out; Karen was oblivious.

"I and I gives dem a bullshit story about me findin' a Casino loophole and dey starts waggin' dey tongues, jus' chompin' de bit wantin' to knows what it be. But I and I is too smart for dem: I and I leads dem on but says nothin'."

Mammie snored loudly, then coughed, expelling her dentures onto the shit stained linoleum floor.

"Dem greedy bastar's, soon dere be a bidding frenzy. Dey gonna bids lots o' money to learns about dis 'maginary loophole. I and I has finally done it, mammie, I has arrived."

With that she chomped a savory chicken thigh and stared at her screen, awaiting the tsunami of money that COULD soon be coming her way.

[MisterV]

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the hovel

rats ran amuck: "Mammie, hands me 'dat shovel."

"Gets it yo-self girl, I'm drinkin' my booze"

Karen unfurled a butt slapper, it started to ooze.

She picked up the shit spade, all vile and stinky

and whacked the damned rats, barely lifting a pinky.

Then mammie piped up: "Go gets me my pipe,

It be chris-mas eve an' I needs to get ripe."

"Ok mammie, I and I'll go gets it

But first it be time fo' my chris-mas eve shit"

Karen dropped trou and let loose a yule log

with a blast of swamp gas that caused a dense fog.

"Chile, you best stop 'dat shittin' de flo;

Else santa ain't comin;, 'dere be no ho ho ho"