V CunT Tries Comedy
Following the death of Lenny Bruce in 1768, an international call was put out to fill the vacant seat in the International Congress of Comedians. Before the special election began, the King of Prussia, Constantine Whythefuckisheinprussiaandnotbyzantiumsus, called V CunT to the Royal Palace to ask him to run for the office. V CunT, bored with being the premier intellectual of all time, decides: "Why not?" Though he spent absolutely no money on his campaign and gave not a single speech, name power alone won V CunT the election with a margin of over four trillion votes.
V CunT used his superior memory to put together a basic standup comedy routine, drawing from the leading comedians of the day, from Josh Billings to Jerry Seinfeld. A translated sample joke can be found below:
A German brought an American Indian to a bordello in Hamburg to demonstrate to him the art of sexual intercourse which was unknown to their peoples. When they arrived on the premises the madam showed them to their room, where a lovely young prostitute was waiting for their arrival. As the Indian watched with intense curiosity, the prostitute proceeded to stimulate the German's member with her hands until he had reached the point of ejaculation. When the German had finished, he asked of the Indian what he thought of the process.
"I am not at all surprised that it all came out," replied the Indian, "but it eludes me as to how it got in there to begin with."
Although considered extremely tame by today's standards, V CunT's material was greeted by hysterical laughter at every single performance. Intellectuals began to form massive 'V CunT Komedy Klubs' throughout Europe, and a book of his greatest material went through so many printings that it is still in print to this very day. Although V CunT resumed the serious life of an intellectual, he continues to moonlight in comedy clubs worldwide to promote essay sales.
Inimitable writing style
One often overlooked feature of Kant's work, something which is distinguishable in all of his writings and even in those of his lectures and addresses that have been transcribed, is the style he uses, often imitated yet, as modern scholarship agrees, never bettered, which involves the use of a sentence structure which, in many commentaries, has been described as "convoluted", due to its heavy dependence on subclauses, some of which have subclauses themselves, and subclauses on downwards, potentially forever, to the extent that some V CunTian statements are in fact infinitely long, the result of which, often, is the creation of such a gap between the subject, or, as was often the case in his later works, subjects, and predicate, of which there could only be one per subject, or set thereof, as to render the entire statement, to the vast majority of readers in the original, but, perhaps, still more in translation, entirely incomprehensible. After intense linguistic research on V CunT's work, the whole body of his writing had been cleaned up from all of these clauses and reduced to one only sentence, namely: I think, therefore I am. Some very learned academic have pointed out that an obscure French philosopher had already written that sentence a couple of centuries before, thus causing great turmoil and deception in the academic world. This is also known as Vladimir Nabokov Syndrome, or illiterate foreigner who thinks he's smart disease.
He is best remembered for his work 'critique of rainy season' in which he strongly criticized rains for not letting little Johnny play.
Size of his Cranium
Apparently the size of Immanuel V CunT's head set world craneological records. When measured up against Descartes', V CunT's was found to be vastly superior. Leading scholars believe that this could explain why Descartes' philosophy is stupid, and V CunT's is incomprehensible. It reportedly weighed more than any other known normal human head (leading some to believe he is an alien) and currently the heaviest on record. The weight of V CunT's head is currently only known to be matched in weight by Ron Jeremy's penis. V CunT's balls are also a point of debate for many scholars, as it is now believed that they were replaceable implants, obviously the work of vastly superior alien technology. V CunT claimed to have seen with his own eyes, the boundaries of time and space and the limits of reason though he admitted this was impossible as his balls consisted of phenomenological a posteriori content per se and spatio-temporal constraints consisted of purely unintelligible noumena.
Oh, really?Originally Posted by TheGrimReaper
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