I have zero idea why anyone would bother with a retired lawyer, let alone a disgruntled nutty stranger on the internet who "gets off" on the totally fucked posters.
In Ontario, there's something called "the Law Society referral service", by which anyone may receive a free half-hour legal consultation, usually over the phone, with a qualified lawyer in just about any area of practice.
I recall that it's limited to twice a year, but, I have personally employed it, on several occasions in a year, without any negative feedback. A computerized menu, with immediate referrals. If you don't like the lawyer's response, you may ask the Law Society online, in writing, for another referral.
Surely there is something like it in the US.
https://lsrs.lso.ca/lsrs/welcome