Kentry, Dean, Donathan, Nathan, Karice, and Tasha were taking a break to eat their lunch when Karice noticed Karen was missing. As she didn't want to speak with her mouth full, she continued chewing her biscuit, but just as she swallowed a filthy gloved hand clapped over her mouth and another hand scooped her up by the armpit and whisked her away as silent as a rabbit's ear twitch.

Nathan was the next to notice their dwindling numbers. Just as he was about to bark the names of the missing, another pair of filthly gloved hands whisked him away as well. One by one the siblings were snatched and loaded into rough burlap sacks. The sacks were redolent with the fragrance of soporific herbs, and each sibling passed out in the dark of their respective sacks, unawares that they were being taken the the lair of the Dark Woodsman.

Hours later they all managed to break out of their herb induced slumber and found themselves in a dark, damp cellar. A skeleton was chained to a wall on the far end. Dean counted. Six. Karen was missing. Suddenly they heard the door at the top of the cellar open and saw their sister at the top of the stairs munching on a drum stick.

"Took y'all long enough to wake up," Karen taunted her older siblings

"At least none of us pick up frogs and kiss them to see if they turn into rich single men." Tasha retorted.

"Well, you should be doing that. These woods are filled with enchanted frogs if you know where to look," replied a booming baritone behind Karen. The six siblings looked up in terror. It was the Dark Woodsman. He motioned for them to come up the stairs.

Terrified, but famished, the followed the scent of fried chicken and biscuits. Out of the cellar they found a table set with enough plates for everyone. The Dark Woodsman explained that he and his band of robbers had thought the children were spies sent by the dwarf kingdom, but after removing the frog from Karen's throat and listening to her tale, they realized the children were a bunch of backwoods hicks who lived in poverty. Not even educated or good looking enough to resell as slaves. So neglected by God that even a pack of murderous robbers and their leader felt sorry for them.

The Dark Woodsman began, "Your step mother sent you all on a fool's errand hoping you would die. It would be no trouble at all for me and my men to take you back to your dilapidated shack, but then your step mother would just come up with another way for you to 'accidentally' die. So I think maybe we can help each other. I will get rid of your step mother, but I need some children to use as bait to lure a certain witch out of her lair. You may have heard of Axl Rose, who lives in an enchanted treehouse called the James L. Knight Center."

Dean piped up, "But that's just a scary bedtime story. Axl Rose isn't a real witch who eats children."

"Oh no?" challenged the Dark Woodsman. "Then whose dong is this?" He took from his leather pouch a dried up thing that looked like a mushroom. "This is the severed penis of the witch Axl Rose. I intend to get the rest of her."